Blame it on the Meng…Yeah-e-Yeah….

This is how I know I’m certifiable. This one post is a result of soul-searching & Milli Vanilli.

I was still chillin’ in Marvin’s  room while listening to a little Milli Vanilli over the weekend. Milli Vanilli brings back some really fun and funny memories. When I was about 14, my mother allowed me to go on my first sleep over at Wendy’s house. It was me Wendy and Natty. I’ll never forget. Coney Island was in Antigua, and we were gonna go.  The sleep over was a necessity for me, because the outfit Wendy and Natty planned for me was a bit too risque’ for my mother’s taste, so of course, I had to be out of her jurisdiction in order to fulfill my part of the requirement, of us dressing up in black and white like we were 

En Vogue. lol Sheeeeeeeeeeeeet..we looked friggin’ AWESOME!!! . At least Beavis and Butthead thought we did. Note their ecstatic facial expressions  at the wonderment of our 14 and 15 year old fabulosity.

After we took Coney Island by storm, we retired to Wendy’s house, where we went into extreme girly behaviour. You know laughing hysterically about the dumbest shit, modelling, and talking about the guys we liked. Rob & Fab of Milli Vanilli being at the top of the list. Men have never looked so sexy in tights. Other than Prince and Lenny Kravitz, no other man can get away with it, without looking extremely effeminate, which is not a good look, if you are a straight guy. The discussion about them got deep, then took a sordid turn, when somewhere we discovered that Milli Vanilli worshipped the devil. LOLOL! Maybe Natty can clue me in to how that came about , ’cause I can’t even begin to imagine where that lil gem of information came from. I just remember us screaming like bitches getting raped and simultaneously ripping Milli Vanilli pictures to shreds. What a scene that was. After we were done sweeping up the torn pieces, all three of us went to lay down on Wendy’s bed. It was probably some pervy lil 14 year old boy’s fantasy to see all of us laying there. Any how, we all calmed down, only to start screaming hysterically again, when Natty finds the light grey eyes of Rob, Staring back up at us from the floor. LOLOLOL!. There we were, throwing poor Milli Vanilli under the bus, because of a rumour that was more than likely untrue. Little did we know, what those poor guys were in for, when they were REALLY thrown under the bus.

Now I may be showing my age a lil bit, but most people within a 10 years gap up or down, will remember the Milli Vanilli fiasco.  Milli Vanilli was the brainchild of German producer Frank Farian. He hired two aspiring models and former break dancers, Rob Pilatus and Fabrice Morvan, to pretend to be the group in videos, concerts, and interviews. These two guys were both skilled dancers and were attempting to make it as whatever they could. Their exotic look was exactly what Farian was looking for. 

I don’t for one second, believe that Farian knew the level of success Milli Vanilli would have achieved, much less a Grammy Award.  After selling astronomical amounts of albums, somebody, be it innocently or maliciously let it slip, that the eye candy that was Milli Vanilli did not actually sing any of the vocals  on the songs. . Now the person who had revealed the information was paid off  and in return, they retracted their statement. The reason why I feel/felt bad for the guys, was that I came to find out they could actually sing pretty good, and they were pressuring Farian to let them sing. They were not intentionally trying to be coasters. In the end, this guy got fed up of them, and then let the cat out the bag, and pretty much threw the guys under the bus. These guys got soooo much flack for being fakers, when in actuality they were probably tied to a contract by their nuts and couldn’t really do anything other than what they were told. Kill or be sued. They ended up being the sacrifice. Though they were not innocent, they were neither the instigators nor the mastermind.

Now one may not normally think Milli Vanilli when it comes to life’s pivotal moments, especially in the end where they ended up being the brunt of jokes in gum commercials, but when you really look into it, they can be prime examples of the how we live our lives and the masks we wear, and how we allow ourselves to be pawns in other people’s plans and ideas and who we choose to blame for underlying problems in society and in our lives. We all gotta take responsibility… especially when it comes to love.

What is love? In my sensibilities I thought I could define love. I know what love is, as I have experienced it and many capacities, but to give a proper definition, I actually had to go to a dictionary and look up the meaning. Before I looked it up, all I could come up with, was love is a four letter word. Kinda funny that F*^k is also s four letter word, and they always both end up in the same sentence. 😀

When it comes to love, women can act very Milli Vanilliesque. We can also be some Farian bitches. What I’ve come to notice about women is that we have ZERO LOYALTY to our own kind, beyond our immediate friend base. Picture this …( my Sofia voice from Golden Girls) Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte and Miranda. They were all whores. Sorry but they were. They were very indiscriminate about the men they slept with. Charlotte was the sweet, nice, demure whore, Carrie was the intellectual, funny, witty whore, Miranda was the smart, sharp, practical whore, and Samantha was the brazen, fabulous, whoring whore. I loved their characters. They were funny interesting, and loyal to each other. They would never mess with each other’s relationship. They had a code amongst themselves. This is how most women roll. In a pack. However, this is a major problem and will always be a problem, unless women as a collective unit change the way they think. We need to not just care and think about our close friend unit, but women outside our circle. We need to be our sister’s keeper.  (I WILL NOT HOLD MY BREATH FOR THIS SHIT TO HAPPEN HOWEVER). Women need to think more like men sometimes. Now this may be a broad statement but this is me speaking from experience.

There is a scene in the movie,” He’s just Not That into You”, where Scarlett Johansen’s character is telling Drew Barrymore’s character, that she met this guy and how awesome he was, but he’s married. Now instead of telling her friend to run like , this bitch decides to tell her about another friend she had, who fell in love with a married man, who turned out to be her soul mate and that he left his wife for her friend and that they’d been together ever since, so she should basically go for it and see what happens. All be it, that her character was single and struggling, trying to find a nice decent guy. Go figure. Isn’t that the height of F*^KERY? I took offence to that as a married woman. Now what if her friend told her that her husband was cheating? Was she gonna tell her that maybe the woman he was cheating with was his soul mate. GTFOHWTBS!!! Women have triple standards when it comes to love, and they use whatever standard that suits their purpose. No man might be an island, but women have to be sometimes, with some of the people they got surrounding them. If you got girlfriends that encourage you to do bullshit, or never tell you when you’re screwing, up, those bitches are either (a) using you as a crash test dummy or guinea pig in a life experiment, and trying to live vicariously through you,to see which way the bull shit blows when it hits the fan, or (b), miserable as hell and are trying to frig up your life to get you in the same miserable boat they’re in.

I can’t imagine Rob and Fab having really good people who truly had their best interest at heart surrounding them and telling them, this could be bad, you may not wanna get involved with this, here is a possible outcome.

*Sidenote* Rob killed himself.

We don’t need to surround ourselves with other women , who get their kicks at other people’s expense, and women who don’t mind cheating, as long as it’s not happening to them or one of their friends.

“Wha ya na want fu yuself, you shouldn’t want fi nobody else.”

Men and women handle matters of the heart so differently. We can sometimes make the simplest thing, similar to solving an equation in thermo-nuclear physics.

I will use a cast of Puerto Ricans to illustrate my point. Ghetto love

*Best hood Puerto Rican / Bronx native accent*

Pablo: “Hey meng, como esta’.

Rico: Chillin’ hombre’

Pablo: I wanna run sumthin by you homie.

Rico: Waz goin’ on meng?

Pablo: You know Conchita wit da fat ass,..she fine like a mutha..but she got 2 keeds, and she still seeing her keeds daddy off and on. I know she like me. She let me feel her up last week. I’m really feelin’ dat bitch meng.

Rico:Whuteva nicca. Lee dat bitch alone, she ain’t worth it. Plus she got dem two bad ass keeds. Lemme hook you up wid Consuela meng. She fine, and she got a fat ass too and she ain’t got no keeds.

Pablo: Word?!

Rico:Yeah meng. We can go to my house and call her later.

Pablo: Good lookin’ out meng.

Same scenario with non Puerto Rican women.

Tawanna: You think Leon’s cute right?

Laticia: Yeah he’s cute. why?

Tawanna: Well we been talkin’ for a while. Gurl he felt me up last week. He got nice hands. He askin’ me to be his girl, but he got two kids with two women and he been seeing Sharice off and on for a while. Whadda you think?

Laticia: I know his baby mothers and I know Sharice. You definitely look better than all of them, so you should go for it.

Rum-pa-pa pum- Rum pa-pa pum Rum-pa-pa pum,  woman down…

Shot down by bad advice.

Both women, when faced with facts and key insight into the guys character, will still try to formulate a relationship with him. Her friend encourages instead of discourages her, from pursuing a guy that already had kids, but never made a committment to either of his children’s mother. She never indicates to her, that she may end up the same way the previous girls did. All she gave her was hope. Who the f^*k is she? Obama?Who can she blame in the end though, when she follows through with her friend’s advice, and shit turns out exactly like his previous relationships?

Another thing we have to do as women, is to blame the source of the problem, for the problem, not one just the symptoms. Now when we are “in love”, and said party who is the receiver of our affections, steps out and engages in another relationship be it sexual or emotional  with another woman, we get mad at just the other woman. Now some people will say, ohh the woman has no loyalty to her, he is the one who loves her, so he should have never participated in the disrespect. I say ass kickin’ for everybody all around. The only way the outside woman is not warranted a beat down, is if she does not know that her guy has a previous relationship. As bold face say..

“When ya na know, ya jus na know.”

There are the ones however, that will use every excuse in the book, to justify hurting another woman, in the name of loving a man, because the man says this or the man says that about his present situation or partner. But hear disya…

IT DOESN’T MATTER WTF HE TELLS YOU! IF YOU KNOW BETTER, DO BETTER! SIMPLE!..

or it will come back to bite you in the ass and you will have no one but yourself to blame. We need to accept that men will have to change their behaviour and treat us differently for the better, when we exercise not only respect for our selves, but other women’s situations. Instead of letting a guy bad mouth his girl or wife to us, ( all while he is still not leaving her), tell him to get back to you after he makes his decision and not let you be the scapegoat or the reason for his decision. Take yourself out of the equation as the bad guy role. Do not become a factor in a shady situation like Milli Vanilli, and get thrown under the bus when his relationship hits the fan. Because guess what? You will get blamed as the main factor for the demise.

Middle Class to Upper Class Love..because bitches get dirty and gritty no matter what economic strata they’re in.

Worthington Blackie: Charles I ‘ve been working quite closely with Miriam on the fraud case. She is quite stunning and very smart.

Charles Whitey: Yes she is quite remarkable. You know that she is married right?

Worthington Blackie: Yes I know. I was quite disappointed when I found out. She did let me feel her up in the conference room when we worked late last week. She was soo hot for me.

Charles Whitey: Astounding. But you should quit while you’re ahead. Her husband has many connections, you may not wanna stir the pot just yet. Lots of other beautiful women about that you could see though. You’re a good catch in women’s eyes. Feel that bitch up one more time then keep it moving.

Worthington Blackie: Good looking out meng..

*fist pound*

Same scenario with women

Celeste: Bethany, Roger and I have been working quite closely together in the lab on the cure for AIDS. I’ve become quite smitten with him. He’s so handsome.

Bethany: He is isn’t he? (smiling hard)

Celeste: I think he could be the one. We have so much in common. I just don’t know what to do, because he’s married.

Bethany: Do you know if he is happy with his wife?

Celeste: I don’t think so and he hardly ever sees her and his kids because we are always together working.

Bethany: Well throw him a line, see if he grabs it. Wear that low-cut dress tomorrow. Ask him a few questions, see what kinda responses you get. If he’s unhappy, you’ll just be doin’ him a favour.

Celeste: I really want him. But this could get complicated, especially because they do have kids. And you know his wife is pretty respected.

Bethany: Girl when you’re his wife, you’ll be even more respected too.. Ooo kaaayyy!  *Cackling evil women laughter*

Rum-pa-pa pum- Rum pa-pa pum Rum-pa-pa pum, woman down…

Shot down by bad advice.

*Sidenote*  Smart, intellectual, bitches are just as stupid as non-educated women when it comes relationships. Remember that female astronaut/ scientist, who put on an adult diaper so that she wouldn’t have to make any bathroom stops, who drove across country to kill a bitch for messin’ with her man?    

In these situations, the true characteristics and categories of some women can be really displayed for the ones who seem to thrive in dramatic third-party situations. See partial flow chart below. This flow chart can get very complicated, as there are soo many levels to Evil bitches. I will elaborate on another post, as this one is already long as sh*t and I just wanna be done writing it, as it’s making me pissed off thinking about some of the unfortunate evil bitches I have had the mis-fortune of having interactions with.

You know what’s funny, a lot of women who can’t stand each other would’ve made great friends had they met outside of a cheating scandal, but we let men cloud our judgement with love and all kinds of bullshit.  They both love him and hate each other, but HE  is the source of the problem, and the reason behind all of the vindictive traits some of us tend to acquire along the way in our man catchin’ schemes.

Go Figure!