It’s a heck of a thing to have access to the amount of information that we do these days. Just get on your computer, go to google or your search engine of choice, punch specific statements or key words and bim bam boom, soo much information, you don’t know what to do with yourself. This is an awesome privilage to have. However, our blessing can also be our curse. Can too much information be a bad thing?
YES IT CAN!
I haven’t been myself all week. I’ve been in such a wierd place and mentally I’ve been a wreck. A lot of it has been to do with tooo much inforamtion literally driving me to the edge of sanity. So this is what happened.
During the week while playing around with my son, he hugged me and I had to push him off me, because the instant we embraced, I felt this incredible pain in my abdomen. Now I am going to kick in some serious censorship ’cause I have to consistently remind myself, this is a blog and ANYONE can read this. My closest friends will actually be reading about this here as well, because as with most things in my life, if it is truly important or a major cause for concern, I cannot talk about it until I’ve been able to either wrap my mind around it, complete it or at least have a plan of execution in regards to it. I lost between 5-10lbs during this week because of worrying.
Now of course, I have no idea what this pain could be and why its just suddenly appeared. So dumb ass me, jumps on the internet and starts googling specifics about the pain. By the time I came off the internet, I was in tears and dying of cancer. I couldn’t talk to my husband, I couldn’t really let him know what was eating me up. Everyone was sleeping because of course it’s like 2am, so I get to cry like a jack-ass in peace. There was very little sleep to be had between 2 and 6 am, because of course my mind could not rest.
As soon as I get to work that morning, I called my OB/GYN, who is amazing and made an appointment. My torture was extended a little bit, becuase I couldn’t get to see him that same day as he had surgery, so the earliest I could see him was the next day. Of course, this leaves me with my thoughts, and I believe that anyone who has been reading my blog, can imagine how messed up my imagination can be. Back on the internet, more information I don’t need.
Before the internet was as accessible as it was, I used to have another avenue of self diagnosis. My girlfriend Fleur’s mom (we’ve been friends since I was 9 years old) is a nurse, so she had access to ridiculous amounts of medical books. I would call up Fleur, describe my symptoms, she would get her glasses, say hang on love, come back and find my sickness somewhere in one of her books and diagnose me. No shit. And you know what, whenever I went to a real dr…Fleur was right. 😀
I finally get to see my doctor. I call him Dr.Wonderful, and everything is NOT fine. But I will be fine. We did a few tests I’m taking my medication and I’m good.
The past few days have been a trip. Even my 2 year old son sensed something was wrong. He kept coming to me, hugging me and asking,
“Mommy you alright?” with his little sweet self.
My husband doesn’t handle this type of stuff well, so I saw no reason to let him know anything, until I knew what was going on. No need ot have both of us walking around freaked out. Our kids do deserve to have at least one sane parent at a time. :-D. I didn’t want to worry anyone, so I internalized it and silently suffered.
The only thing about my behaviour that was responsible, was the timely manner I dealt with the issue. Sometimes, we like to think that certain things only happen to other people. A little pain is just that, a little pain. We shake it off and move on. My bit of advice to anyone reading this however, is to follow your gut instinct. If you think something doesn’t feel right, check it out right away. If you find it early, you can avoid alot of heart ache and expense down the road. I admit that I am a bit of a hypochondriac, but I suppose I prefer to be that, than lax in regards to my health, and not be the best healthy person I can be. I want to be the best daughter, sister, parent, wife and friend I can be.
Nananananana Life sweet….
Like I always say, life is better with a soundtrack. This is one of the songs that was swirling around in my head, during my crisis.