A Fresh Start..an exerpt

Every time she saw his name show up on her blackberry, she painted. Every time he sent her a text message trying to apologize, she would stab the canvas, wishing it was him. Every time she watched television and he appeared, she would turn it off, never to turn it back on for the rest of that day. Fuck him and his complexes. In this day and age. This bullshit about colour was still and issue.

Sanura took a flight from New York, just hours after she received the call from his agent. She kept thinking that, that bastard Collie had to have been joking about the movie premiere. Carter would call her right back, apologize and fire Collie.  He never liked her, but it was because she didn’t like him. She never tried to befriend him and weasel around like so many other women did. She once overheard him arguing with Carter saying,

“Who the fuck does she think she is?” She’s pretty, but she not all that.

She wasn’t concerned by his words. Contrary to what he was saying to Carter, she remembered receiving a phone call from him late one evening, basically telling her how beautiful he thought she was and that he wanted to sleep with her.

“Lemme tell you lickle snary rasshole subben. I will not repeat this conversation to Carter, so you don’t need to fear, but if you ever speak to me like that again, I will use my rusty box cutter, and gut you, and use your internal organs in my next exhibit, ya hear me?”

Collie never looked at her directly again, but he tried damn hard to get Carter to get rid of her. Sanura scared him, because he actually believed she could do what she said. In all honesty, Collie was very good at his job. He truly did help Carter take his career to the next level, but he was a complete douche bag. Sanura tried to deal with it, because she didn’t want to be responsible for anything that could hurt Carter’s career. Collie seemed to be good for Carter in that regard, so she tried as much as she could to grin and bear it.

What concerned Sanura however, was not what Collie said, but how Carter let him get away with it. She didn’t necessarily want him fired, but she thought her man needed to check him and let him know his boundaries where she was concerned. It had been a very sore spot in their relationship,  but every time she decided she was tired of his disrespect, and leaving Carter was probably best for both of them, he would do things to her that she was still unable to transfer on to canvas. He was such an amazing lover, and she was completely whipped.

“Hi my name is Sanura and I’m dick whipped”.

She needed to go to a meeting. She was that whipped.

Sanura was able to finally walk away from the crack of the whip, after it was confirmed by E (Entertainment TV), who was covering the red carpet premiere of Carter’s movie. There he was, gliding down the carpet with Tremaine. They looked beautiful together. She guessed  that it was the look his people were going for. Caramel Ken and Honey Barbie. Maybe her blackness would have absorbed all of the light. Take away from his shine. Whatever. That was his last disrespect. It was plain in her face.

“I’m not gonna cry.” She repeated to herself on the plane ride back. And she didn’t. Not once. When she got back to Antigua, she felt relief. She missed her house. She missed the smell of the sea water, and the sound of the waves breaking on the rocks. She walked down the wide entrance hallway of her house, which was decorated with African art, and pieces from her and some of her favourite artists, like Heather Doram, Kevin Williams and a few others. When she got to the end, there was an abstract piece of him that she had done, and before she even put down her bag, she went straight to her studio, grabbed the box cutter, and ripped it to shreds as it hung steadily on her wall. She felt better seeing it ripped to shreds.

Carter’s calls were relentless. She had only taken two of them,  out of the nearly one hundred he’d made.  The first call she took was to say to him,

“Don’t apologize. You do you. Whenever you come back, come get your shit out my house.”

The second call was after he had left a particularly hateful message, telling her that she was going to be missing out on him, and that he was going to fuck Tremaine. He was clearly drunk, but drunk men tell no lies. That call she took, was him calling back to apologize. She then told him  not to bother coming around, because all of his shit was destroyed. She was done.

Sanura laid on her new beige sheets, in a new men’s Hanes t-Shirt that just barely covered her ass, and new white panties that he’d never seen. She was going get a good night’s sleep tonight. Carter had been back in Antigua for about a week. She had not seen him, but knew he was back, because it made the front page of the Daily Observer. He was a big star after all. With all that was going on between them, she was so glad that she’d kept her mouth shut about their relationship. She would have looked like a fucking idiot right now. Also, on his arm on the front of the Daily Observer, was Tremaine.

Sanura met her once at an industry party. Tremaine was very beautiful, but she knew it and she was a bitch and a half. She was every little black boy’s, and Lil Kim’s dream. Good hair, fair skin, light eyes, long legs. She was always the center of attention, but for some reason, that night when Carter and Sanura walked into the party holding hands, and she overheard some people talking about the beautiful girl with Carter, she felt as if she needed to prove a point.

Sanura wanted to wax the floor with her ass. Tremaine begged Collie, who she knew through her agent to introduce her to Carter. She flirted, she twirled, she laughed, and then she started to touch him. His shoulder, his lapel. It was as if she tried to pretend Sanura was not there. While Tremaine spoke with Collie, Sanura whispered into to Carter’s ear,

“I’m gonna mop the floor wid dis bitch. She need to back da fukup, before she get smack da fuckup.”

Carter laughed out hard. He squeezed Sanura’s hand, and kissed her on the corner of her lips. He didn’t want to smudge her perfect deep plum lipstick.

“We’ll leave soon. I wanna take you home and get you out of that dress.”

She was instantly diffused.

“What’s so funny?” Tremaine asked nosily.

Sanura wanted to say ‘nonya damn business’, but Carter chimed in, when he felt her grip his hand tightly.

“Private joke.” he said.

Sanura made Tremaine uncomfortable. Tremaine normally looked down, literally and figuratively, on the majority of women at the industry parties, whether they were fellow celebrities or the significant others of the industry insiders. She thought they could never hold a candle to her. Tremaine stood about 5’10” and she was towering in heels. Her eyes were cool like ice, her skin was  flawless and  her hair was long and weave-less. She was the total package physically, and it gave her great pleasure to make women insecure. Make them feel that she could always take their man. She wasn’t getting any pleasure at that moment. Physically Sanura could hold a candle to her, though she felt she’d trumped her in the complexion department. Sanura was eye level with her. Physically they had the same body type, though Sanura had a bigger ass. She wondered if Sanura was a model. She hated to admit it, but Sanura was very beautiful. Her eyes were black and full, and so were her lips. Also, Sanura had one of the most captivating smiles. It was like a damn colgate commercial when she smiled. Tremaine was wondering who that bitch thought she was, holding on to Carter as if she owned him.

Tremaine tired of Collie and tried to re-enter Carter’s and Sanura’s intimate conversation. She flipped her almost waist length hair, and it hit Sanura’s arm.

“I’m sorry, my hair sometimes seems to have a life of its own.” She spoke in an annoying Paris Hilton tone.

“Carter, what is wrong with this girl. Who the fuck is she, Willow Smith?

Sanura whispered aggressively into Carter’s ear.

Sanura rolled her eyes and sighed.

“Collie we gonna head out.” Cater said sensing that Tremaine was gonna get a can of whoop ass opened on her.

(Phone Rings)

Sanura groggily answers her phone, startled out of her sleep. It was 2:47 am.

“Carter? Are you mad? Why you callin’ me so late? I am done with this nonsense. Go back to Hollywoodand take your drama shit and your drama bitch back with you and get the hell off my island.”

Sanura was so angry at him for waking her. It had been so long since she’d slept, because of him, and now he was doing it again.

“Since when did Antigua become your island?

“Nigger I live here, you  just visiting. The only reason you bought a house here is because of me. Antigua is too small for the both of us, so just go back to New York.”

“Sanura I’m sorry!” drunk tears streaming down his face.

“Carter save that fucking performance for one of your movies. I got no Oscars to give you. I loved you, and you embarrassed me. You disowned me. It was as if I was never in your life. And for that fuckin’ hooker Tremaine. She already slept with half a ya peers, and you take that bed hoping trollop to your biggest premiere. You are the poster boy for asshole and you let that little troll Collie tell me. You didn’t even have the gonads to tell me yourself.”

Sanura clicked the conversation off and slammed her blackberry onto the bed. Within seconds of ending their conversation, she heard the rumbling of thunder. It was immediately followed by lightning and a sudden burst of rain. She could smell it. The rain that is. Then she could smell the bullshit too and the hate again. She ran and pulled her window shut. She began pacing. She needed to paint, or cut something.

The more her phone rang, the more riled up she got.

“What Carter?! You wanna talk, talk. Me not talking to you was your way out. You didn’t need to try and rationalize ya lil pissy ant excuse, and make yourself sound stupid. But go ahead. Let the last few words you say to me be stupid. If that’s how you wanna go out. Where the fuck is Tremaine?  Shouldn’t you be screwing her?”

“I sent Tremaine back to New York yesterday Sanura.”

“What ya lil light skinned dream turned out to be a nightmare.”

“Sanura, you know how shallow my world can be.”

“Yeah, I do. I know you had issues, but I didn’t realize that your ideas aligned with your shallow lil world. I thought you were above that. I guess I should have known better. I’ve seen all of your ex-girlfriends Carter. They could all be the same person. They were either mixed or white. What the fuck was I? An experiment to get in touch wit ya black side? Were you preparing for a role? What was I to you? What was all that talk about us being the perfect candy cane? The way our skin looked together when you were inside me. You are a piece of shit. Where did you get that nasty mentality. Did you get it from your mother? Did she tell you that light girls and white girls were the best girls. I know you didn’t get it from your father, cause he fuckin’ left your white ass momma.”

“Don’t you dare talk about my mother Sanura.”

Carter felt emotional. He had been drinking heavily. He drank too much, he knew that. That’s why he’d slept with Tremaine. When he woke up that morning after the premiere and saw her next to him, he felt sick to his stomach. He could barely remember what she felt like. He just wished she would morph into Sanura. He knew he’d made a big mistake, but he couldn’t take it back. And Sanura was saying such hateful vicious things to him. How could she talk to him that way? Though he knew he was dead wrong for what he’d done, he was not going to allow her to mouth off to him and speak ill of his mother.

When Sanura was angry, which was not very often, it was like one of her Zombies was awakened. She had no control over the hate she spewed. All she wanted to do was hurt who ever she was hurling them at.

“You trying to tell me that we were in a relationship for a year and a half, but because I didn’t look like Rihanna or Beyonce or Tremaine, you couldn’t be seen with me on such a grand scale? The little industry parties are cool for me, I’m pretty enough for that, right? To hell with you, you light bright mother fucker, and fuck your mother, and your trifling ass daddy too. Go get yourself a white girl.”

Carter slammed the bottle of Vodka into the wall and hung up. Sanura heard the crash and then the line went dead. All she could hear now, was the rain beating down hard on her roof…..


About bak2moi

I am a woman trying to balance motherhood and womanhood, while pursuing her dreams. Hopefully I get to keep at least foot on the ground during the process.
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2 Responses to A Fresh Start..an exerpt

  1. Sam says:

    Where’s the resttttttttttttttttttttttt……………….

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