Rite of passage… The First Kiss

I watched ‘Pretty In Pink’ a few hours ago, and I am still lost in a complete state of nostalgia. Mr. John Hughes, a very talented and creative screenwriter and director, was not only responsible for this movie, but countless others, that are nothing short of legendary, and transcend the borders of American pop culture. This man understood teen angst like no other, and was able to capture all of its complexities, tell some pretty remarkable stories, that still to this day will make me sit and watch and recite dialogue word for word. I believe a lot of people know exactly what I’m talking about.

The movie that still really jerks the old heart strings however, is  Sixteen candles. Jake Ryan, was sooo effin’ dreamy and for many years, I’d fantasized about being picked up in a red camero, by a guy like him, and getting kissed over a birthday cake. Sometimes, just hearing the song that played at the end credits, make me feel like I wanna cry.

(This was waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyy before I saw Jason’s Lyric, because when Sixteen Candles had its debut, I was about 6 years old.) I truly appreciated it when I was about 11, and since then, anytime it showed on tv, I would watch it, no matter what else was on.

Now, my first kiss was nothing quite as epic as that final scene, with that awesomely 80’s song, but it was pretty memorable and epic in its own way. I’ll never forget him. He was just as beautiful as Jake Ryan, and funnily enough, I was Sixteen. 😀 I had had a crush on this guy from the moment I saw him when I was nine years old, but of course he was about 6 years older than I was, so he wouldn’t have glanced at my flat chested ass, no way, no how, so I suffered in silence. I think the only person who knew of my unrequited love  for him,was Fleur. That was another similarity to the movie, because Molly Ringwalds character was absolutely over the moon for him, but he did not realize initially. This guy was sooo outta my league. He was older, popular, gorgeous, and had a shit load of girls who liked him, and would trample all over my little fooley ass to get to him.

Like I said before, when I turned 16, things started to fill out in the right spots.

Lemme set the scene:

Antigua Girls’ High School fete, in the 90’s which were always the best lime. I was standing talking to a good friend, who happened to be best friends with my uber crush. He was actually trying to convince me to talk to him, but of course I was adamant that I would not do it. He was trying to convince me by saying

“yeah, he noticed you the other day. He thinks you’re cute,”

but I was convinced he was delusional. My shame box very small, so my strategy in life back them was to AVOID! AVOID! AVOID!

“He really thinks I’m cute?”..

I roll my eyes right now, at the thought of my 16 year old self saying that. Ahhh, to be young, fresh, green and foolish again.. 😀 So he told me to wait where we were standing, because he saw somebody he needed to talk to.  I remember smiling like a jack-ass , at the thought of this guy not only acknowledging my existence, but thought about me in any capacity at all, to have formulated an opinion, of whether or not I was remotely attractive. Yaaaaay me. lol

Much to my horror, my friend returned with my crush. I could barely speak. I start wondering if what I’m wearing is cute enough. It was a pair of tight jeans that rolled up to the knee, and some kind of crop top. (Not too crop, or my mother would’ve never let me leave the house). I tried to contain my inner loser, and play myself off as confident. Our mutual friend decided that his work was done, and left us to our own devices.

Conversation was WOWOWOW!! We started talking a little after 4 in the afternoon, and were still in the thick of conversation after 7. I didn’t want it to end. Alas,..we had to go our seperate ways,…so he closed the gap between us, and I started saying OH SHIT! OH SHIT!OH SHIT! in my mind. I think he’s gonna kiss me, right here in front of everybody. I tentatively stepped closer, then I felt his arm on the small of my back,….then

(SCREEEEECCHHHHH YA BRAKES ON!)..

This trifling lil thing invades our moment and says,

“Hey Blank”.. She grabs his arm and acts as if I was a ghost, then kissed him on the cheek.

“I comin’ by you later” as If I was not there.

I wanted to snatch her lil ass up.  My moment was shot to hell. After she left, he hugged me goodbye. Damn he felt good.

Technically I should have been afraid of this guy. He was a pretty boy. He was a bad boy. Lots of girls liked him. He had a reputation for lovin’ em and leavin’ em. Maybe I was attracted to the bad boy. Any how, over the next few weeks we spoke on the phone. He became more interesting and seemed more interested in me. I couldn’t believe it. I know he was concerned because I was young, but I told him I was 17. Somehow, that seemed soooo much older than 16, and I could watch an R-Rated movie, according to the motion picture association of America.

Our predicament now was, how we were gonna get to meet up. With me, other than school functions, I was not allowed to go anywhere. I had to home right after school, or I would have to give a detailed explanation, accompanied by pie charts and graphs as to how my out of school time was spent, when I was allowed to not be home before the street light came on.  I kid you not. My mother was like a female combination of Hitler, Castro, Gaddafi and Caesar, all rolled up in one, so defying her wishes was at  your own risk.

I had a few consistent friends growing up, hardly any guy ones, as my mother was always very suspicious of their intentions. For whatever reason, she did love Kenford. (I couldn’t help but smile as I typed his name.) He was a friggin charmer he was. Kenford was also mutual friend to me and blank, so he decided he was going to use his powers of persuasion, to get my mom to let me hang out with him and a few friends one evening. To my shock and dismay, she agreed. That boy had massive powers. Of course, Kenford was only playing cupid. He also knew his ass was on the line, so he was sure to let blank know to behave. 😀

So we all went over to another friend’s house and conveniently, that friend’s parents were off island.

‘Holy teenage lust batman.’ 😀

When I walked up, there he was on the verandah, looking soooo beautiful. My heart was jumping outta my chest. He immedaitely ended his conversation, and held my hand and we went inside.

“Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit.”

He was sleeping over, so we went into the room where he was staying. I am completely scared shitless at this point. I had absolutely no idea what to expect. I didn’t wanna be immature, so I tried to be cool. He closed the door and I think I literally farted out of fright.

“Please don’t stink, please don’t stink”

He turned off one of the lights in the room. It was dim, but bright enough to move about without injuring yourself. Before I could get really scared, he just walk up to me and kissed me. No lead in, no suggestive conversation. It was beautiful and scary, and I had no idea what to do with my lips or my hands. I think I did alright though.:-D. He stopped and then did it again. I wanted to scream .Not rape or anything,..lol, but just scream, because so much was going on inside my head. He stopped again. I was absolutely not in any kind of mental state for any more bases to be stolen, and just as I was about to say, I can’t do this, (After all he was a bad boy, he could only be trying one thing) he said softly.

Yo, I really really like you, but I can tell you never did this before.”

Hey me feel shame see. lol I was like damn, I’m a bad kisser. My shoulders literally drooped in defeat. Then Mr. Badboy Reputation said to me,..

“You’re really sweet,… and I like you too much. I can’t do this to you.”

Then he hugged me. All I wanted to do after he said that was say “Take me I’m yours”..lol

My badboy had a conscience. He kissed me again, then held my hand, and we left the bedroom. Virginity firmly in tact. lol.  He told Kenford that they should take me home, which they did a few minutes after and up until this day, my mom doesn’t know. Unless she reads this blog.  🙂

Blank ended up moving out of Antigua a few months later, and we remained in contact off and on. We hadn’t seen each other in years, and then about 2 years ago he called me and told me he was here. Why did my heart start going BOOP BOOP BOOP? :-D. First love eh. I actually picked up my kids from school and went to visit him at the same house, from all those years before, so he could meet them.  He was like..

“You are all grown up now baby”.

I won’t lie, for a couple of seconds, there was this, I wonder if , shouldda couldda wouldda vibe, but he was nothing less than the bad boy gentleman that I’d continued to love and respect over the years. Time had been good to him. He looked good.. hmmmmmmmmm

Life eh…. I wonder if John Hughes was somewhere directing that moment..

(Missing Kenford and JeanPierre right now) RIP guys.

Wallowing in Nostalgia, singing “If you were here”

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About bak2moi

I am a woman trying to balance motherhood and womanhood, while pursuing her dreams. Hopefully I get to keep at least foot on the ground during the process.
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One Response to Rite of passage… The First Kiss

  1. Joanne says:

    ah, a fellow John Hughes fan. My fav back in the day was Breakfast Club …guess something in me related to their outsider status 🙂

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