Mushroom Walnuts pasta topper.. First time adding walnuts. Saw it on Youtube & decided to experiment with my own interpretation.. It came out awesome. It also makes a great sandwich filler.
All you need is your favourite tomato sauce, mushrooms, walnuts soaked for at least an hour, Saute’ in olive oil with onions, peppers, garlic, tomatoes, season to your own liking.
Over the course of of my adult life, I’d gotten a handful of tattoos, that to this day, thankfully, I have never regretted. I never had any medical issues, they were all well done by a professional and in strategic places that if I needed to hide them, I could. They symbolized my travels, (I got each tattoo in a different country) my life’s journey, pivotal moments, existential crisis.. There is a significant memory attached to each.
Around 2 years ago, I remember staring at myself in the mirror a bit longer at the tattoo on my shoulder and said, if I ever got the chance to remove this one, I would. At the point in my life when I got it, I was hurt, sad and emotional. This is well over 20 years ago. I am now soo far removed from that young lady, that what it symbolized then, means absolutely nothing to me now. Now, if I had to live with it for the rest of my life, I was still good, but like I said, passively, if the opportunity arose, I would take it. Fast forward to last year, like a magical fairy, the opportunity appeared. I still have a few more sessions, but so far so good. See some of the session inserts. My next post about this will include before & after pics.
Don’t get one without it having significant meaning. Even though the option to remove is now more readily available, the procedure hurts like F*^K! Don’t let my gangsta demeanor fool you. 😀
Salads got me on lock. I have a few local spots where the food is on pointe, but I make my own when I can’t get there, or the budget isn’t budgeting. 🙂 Peep the awesomeness.
On this lactose intolerance journey, I’ve had to navigate these wild nutritional streets, trying not to get kidnapped or car jacked by bloating, I.B.S (Irritable Bowel Syndrome), hormonal imbalance or any other obligatory female ailments. I mostly consume almond milk, with the occasional hazelnut, or cashew thrown into the mix. I’ve been for the last few years, quietly working on a healthy food brand and I decided just randomly one day and said to myself,..
“Why not make your own almond milk girl?”…
So I tried. Peep the results. It was friggin’ delicious. I was able to make it the thicker consistency I wished for some of my favourite brands to be and the most amazing thing is that it had no crazy non pronounceable ingredients, so I knew exactly what I was putting into my body.
INGREDIENTS:
Pre soaked & stripped almonds
Water
Dried Dates for sweetness
Sea Salt
Vanilla
Strainer
Apparently you can use the squeezed pulp to make almond flour, but I’m not that brave yet.
I am a home body to my core, so I D.I.Y ed my verandah into a simple outdoor relaxation space, that I could find true solace in. All you need are cinder blocks, 2X4s, cheap curtains, old school wire curtain rods, cushions and some imagination.
My little work station got a slight make over. When Bae got great gift buying ideas that make your life easier. Because I work so much, comfort during the process is ideal. My angled cooling fan and simple rechargeable ring light have been a total game changer.
In an effort to continue to make small, but notable upgrades around my house, I decided to do the floor of my master bathroom. I had bought these laminate sticky back hardwood planks since July of 2020, but with covid fatigue and dare I say mild depression, I just didn’t feel like dealing with it. I always intended to do it myself, so I figured at some point, I’d get over whatever emotional hump I was nesting in, would get uncomfortable, snap out of the funk and eventually get to it. Finally, I felt as if I had the capacity to tackle it, so I did. I chose these after doing some youtube research and reading some amazon reviews. I have zero complaints so far and I adore the colour.
Self Explanatory…. Make as much of it as you like. Garnish with Granola, pumpkin seeds, fresh / dried fruit, or all of the above at the same damn time. Really yummy and actually good for you.
I cannot in good conscience, expect my children to wholeheartedly embrace a transition, where they stop eating things that they’ve not only grown accustomed to, but love. It was / is still hard for me to keep a stiff upper lip and push away from the things that I know taste soo good, but know I SHOULD NOT be eating. I’ve found that striking a balance with what I want for them, along with what they want and how I prepare it, is what seems to be working, without too much of a power struggle. When I prepare chicken & fish, I tend to air fry them without the use of any kind of oil, make a separate sauce, and then couple it/ them with gluten free foods and lots of uncooked or lightly steamed vegetables. However, quinoa has mostly replaced any rice or pasta, It doesn’t hurt that I’m an awesome cook either. lol. Small victories everyday. It’s my version of the 80/20 rule. I do it even for myself.
Keeping on the Vegan front…I’ve just been trying to do things differently in my kitchen… Healthy can still be really fulfilling and very tasty. Mushrooms, plantains, red onions, kale, spinach, sweet peppers, and vegan non dairy, non soy, cheese. To spruce up the servings, I’ve been buying those brown boxes that look soo cute, and recycling my mushroom containers. Redemption Farm Foods Coming soon.. 🙂
Trying to keep on the healthy path, I decided to make a Shepherd’s Pie, vegan style. I used mushrooms as the ‘meat’ substitute and cooked home made mashed potatoes from scratch. I only did 1 layer of mushrooms & 1 layer of mashed potatoes, but instead of typically spreading the mashed potatoes around, I did a more decorative icing type of method. I used regular letter sized paper, rolled it into a nozzle and fitted it into a plastic bag. I created a small, but adequate sized hole in the corner of the plastic bag, big enough for the mashed potato to squirt through, and made individual potato droppers. See pictures below. I sprinkled some bread crumbs on top and that was pretty much it.
On the journey to eat healthier and just physically feel better, I decided to finally follow through with a secret desire of mine, to start growing some of my own food. For this present moment , it’s on a more ‘superficial’ yard to plate, feed my own family kind of thing, but hopefully as time progresses, on a larger scale. I had absolutely no idea how to go about starting. I brainwashed myself into thinking that I didn’t have enough yard space, I didn’t have enough anything, but with some research I came across an amazing small company (will put their name in my harvest blog) that not only put me on the right path, but allowed me to feel competent. That should be coming in about 2 weeks. Wish me luck.
See compilation of some of my initial indoctrination into inadvertently becoming one of Captain Planet’s Avengers. There is a real sense of satisfaction when you feel as if you are doing your part in contributing to a bigger purpose.
I’m definitely not one for Christmas decorations, never really have been. I was given some inspiration by a friend that sent me a picture of a scaled back, but very unique and beautiful Christmas Tree, so this year I decided to do my own, with a bit of a twist.
It’s more of an art piece extension of something that was already standing in my living room. My ‘Tree”, however, falls in line with my laziness of HATING to put up and take down decorations, so this was the end result. It’s my She Tree.
My kids and I had a fun D.I.Y project. I wanted to do something to make my outdoor space more livable, so I started looking up affordable ideas to spruce it up. I decided on doing some home made benches and when I showed the kids the mechanics, they were all in on us doing it. All I needed for this project were some cinder blocks, 2’x4’ lengths of plywood, paint , cushions and patience. Peep the assembly pictures below.
‘Tis the season for starting over & new beginnings… here’s to less f^*kery in 2022😏 We’ve all been going through it in some way, but we have to strike a balance in this crazy world, that will lead us on to a path that is fulfilling to us. Life has a way of letting us know that we have zero control, no matter how much we plan. However, we still have to not only be present in the moment and live abundantly, but be cognizant of the past, and somewhat anticipatory when thinking of the future. Above all, remain open minded, humble and compassionate.
For the past few years, I’ve been on a much healthier course . Just the way I live and how I take care of myself, especially with what I eat. I am far from dogmatic and I try never to limit myself with some weird, personal, restrictive covenant that will stop me from enjoying and trying new things. I never grew up eating red meat, so it was never something I had to force myself to not eat. To be honest I was neither here nor there. I just never really ate it. As I grew older and was more aware of social and environmental issues, I do see a need for us as a people to be more mindful of our habitual over consumption, of ALL things, but I am more passionate about balance and being humane. I said all of that to say …“God I don’t even know why I said all that shit…(lolol)… Nah ...Red meat will never be something that will be a part of my daily, weekly or even monthly diet, but I won’t turn my nose up at trying different things.
“Man shall not live by bread alone” after all ain’t it… 🙂
Any how,.. on rare occasions, my grandmother would make goat water when I was a child and I remember how soothing it was. I distinctly remember my sinuses always being cleared up after I had it, and just how yummy it was. My neighbour, who’s also like a mom to me, makes goat water maybe twice a year and I would say, send the water and keep the meat.. lolol. I’d always wanted to learn how to make it, but it seemed like an‘Old lady with 50 years experience in the kitchen kind of food’. It didn’t feel like something I would be able to pull off. I think I’m a pretty good cook, but something about that dish was quite daunting. The nuanced flavours , seemed like seasonings that just weren’t in my kitchen cupboard and even if I saw them on the shelves of a supermarket, I wouldn’t know to buy them, because I wouldn’t know what to do with them.
I’ve never cooked Goat before, (actually never cooked red meat before at all, never even bought the meat). One grocery shopping excursion 2 weeks ago, I decided to bite the bullet and as they say “Try a Ting”. I saw the goat meat packaging on the shelf above the chicken and was like hmmmm, maybe I can do this.
Side note,
Goat meat is not cheap, so I was pep talking myself into not screwing up valuable meat all in the name of an egocentric experiment. I really wanted to see if I could do it. Make it as good as the Grandmas I’d been jealous of. 🙂
The day before I made it, I stood on my gallery like a true West Indian woman and yelled out to my neighbour,
” Maaa, Me a try mek goat water fa da fus time, any pointers?”
To which she replied,
” Ya need lickle clove, parsley, red peppa flakes. Me go sen over sum subben fi ya.”
LOLOL.. wich she did.
I had never prayed so much during cooking before. Also, to ensure that I didn’t royally f*^k it up, I looked on youtube for a recipe earlier that morning, and I came across a great Antiguan one, which I will link below. I didn’t follow this recipe exactly, but the young lady explained the process beautifully, so I was a bit more confident with what I was about to do.
My ingredients:
Onion, Garlic, Sweet Pepper (yellow & green), Tomatoes, Red Pepper Flakes, Parsley, Cloves, Browning, Tomato Sauce, All Purpose Seasoning
Peep my steps below in pictures.
I boiled the goat meat for an hour and a half before I actually started the stew down process to make the goat water. I kept the water from that to make the actual goat water, then added more water for volume.
I was almost in tears at how good it came out. My kids were singing my praises and of course I sent some over for my neighbour, and I can tell you, I got an 8.5 / 10. High praise indeed from one of the masters themselves. I felt sooo proud. Not sure when I’ll make it again, but I will approach my stove with a crown and confidence, the next time I do.
First of all…Happy New Year. Not quite sure what that means in 2021, considering how volatile 2020 was and how much of an extension / continuation I’m sure it’s going to be of what we’ve already been going through. For what it’s worth, I hope and pray that we flourish even in the midst of it all.
My absence from blogging was not complacency, frustration or me being tired of posting. Real life just gets in the way… meaning, back end work that has to be done and for anything to come to fruition, be it a physical or emotional manifestation, one has to disconnect from all distractions, even the good and sometimes therapeutic ones.
Last year did a number on all of us, but the one thing I can say it did for me, was force me to reflect, focus and really get to work on projects that have been my own personal ‘lil injuns dat could. Sometimes, we really do have to step out in faith and recognize that we don’t have to have everything that we need up front, to make a legitimate start at anything we want to accomplish. I had to be okay with starting at a deficit, be it support, adequate finances or approval. I literally had to say “F^*k it!”
Oh Yeah & by the way….
I think all of us have that thing.. maybe even a few things, that we hold soo dear to us, that we barely mention them to our closest confidants. We quietly daydream about them, plot about them, think about the what ifs and shouldda couldda woulddas regarding it /them and mostly quietly suffer in silence, if we can’t figure how to make that thing a reality. We don’t ask for help, because we don’t want to hear stupid f*^kin’ questions like,
“Why do you want to do that?” “Can you afford to do that?” “You really think you can make money from that?” “Isn’t that too much for you to handle?”
Sometimes folks mean well, but just so you don’t have to alienate your core base with a plethora of S.T.F.Us,.. you mostly keep it to yourself. Thankfully, I’ve had nothing but amazing advice, genuine interest and excitement along this particular journey, which by the way , was a winding and weird trip.
So a few years back, I started to daydream about getting away from a desk job / office environment, having a farm and making wine and cheese and chocolate. I would have this beautiful view from my deck, where I’d watch my crops grow and write amazing stories while overlooking my bounty. I’d then go out amongst my crops into the field walk barefoot in the dirt, with my slight beautiful sundress hugging my body, whilst my dreads blew in the wind as if they were being hit by Beyonce’s fan. My half naked, gorgeous field hand, sweating profusely in the the sun and ploughing the soil would gaze at me longingly and slowly approach…… er wait…wrong daydream… lol. I took a left turn somewhere and ended up in the other daydream… Let me reel it back in a little bit.
I got discouraged when I didn’t get through with the plot of land that I thought I required to start. I tried for so long, but then I recognized that it would take longer than I anticipated, and I wasn’t going to kiss ass or anything else to get it. I felt defeated and clearly had to rethink my strategy. Anywho, after feeling sorry for myself for a while, I packed up my idea neatly, put it in a box and never spoke of it. Fast forward a few years, I was beginning to have health issues and after going through the western traditional process of monitoring my health I tried the alternative by going to a naturopath. I had to make some major changes, which were fine, but there was so much that I was going to have to give up, that I had to find alternatives, so I wouldn’t want to shoot everybody, because I couldn’t eat toxic great tasting food anymore. lol.
Just kidding. I never really ate poorly, but I could do soo much better. I was buying healthier than I’d ever been, but it reignited my desire to start growing my own crops and then all of my ideas surrounding that hit me like a ton of bricks.
Last year happened and as we all know, 2020 was a clusterfuck of nonsense , BS, viruses and plandemics. I was not here for any of it. I had to take my health into my hands, especially at a point where I’d heard the words immune system more than I ever had in my whole life. I was truly concerned for myself, my friends and my family. I decided that instead of waiting on this magical piece of land, that I’d start small and start to do what I could from my own property. I’d try to grow my own, no matter how little the harvest was going to be. Again the old ideas started fighting their way back out of the box. As I said before, I had to give up quite a few things diet wise and I started to seek out and buy alternative snacks. I’d stumbled upon a chocolate bar that was non dairy and I loved it soo much that I became obsessed. The only problem was, that it was tiny and expensive like hell. Cue my lightbulb moment when one day I said to myself,
“Why don’t you just make your own chocolate? You’ve wanted to do it forever. You’ll know what’s in it and on top of that it’ll be good for you.”
The rest as they say is history which lead me on the journey to my sweetest dream…CHOCOLATE….
Looking back, I see that the timing was not appropriate back then to facilitate a lot of things that I am accomplishing right now. I’ve moved on from daydream state into the practical action phase. I have more access and a clearer picture of what direction I do want to go in. I hunkered down with all the ideas in my head, put them on paper and decided to tackle them all, but just in stages. Besides, Rome was not built in a day. Truth be told, quarantine didn’t necessarily change my life that much, but it did force me to change my perspective. Changes needed to happen in my life, so I channeled my energy into everything I needed to do. I stopped thinking that it was too much to take on, or that it may not be successful.
The focus was working on my recipes and my technique. I started creating my labels and step by step, I found joy in the little things that I COULD do. Believe it or not, it was enough. I had enough. I was enough.
Me Trying to figure it out…
Redemption Farm is 10 years in the making. I know this because I ‘d sent a few emails to myself when I first designed the logo and did the survey map of how I wanted my crops laid out and where I’d have my booth to sell my wine, chocolate and cheese (though now all vegan because my ass is lactose intolerant). WHO KNEW! Sometimes dreams evolve, but the ones that mean the most never go away. It’s been tough but it’s been soo much fun learning and growing…… Quarantine and all.
Me figuring it out. LOL
This Dark Chocolate journey of mine was a long time coming. The one lesson I can take from this, is that sometimes our timing is not God’s timing and clearly this is not a word for people who don’t believe in a higher power. I can say that if something truly means something to you, you will figure out a way to do it, in whatever capacity. That in itself is success. I had to stop myself a long time ago for associating success with external accolades, appreciation and recognition. Getting out of bed everyday and making it through the day, doing the best you can is success. 2020 taught us that life can take a hard left, really suddenly. A lot of us were forced to reflect on the state of our lives in isolation and darkness and it wasn’t pretty, but we figured out a way to grow regardless, and some of us figured out a way to make it sweet in the process.
With all of the changes that I’ve been incorporating into my life, how I cook was no exception. I’d seen many a late night infomercial about the wonders of the Air Fryer, but as intrigued as I was, I felt a bit skeptical about what it was actually capable of. With finances always being the first thing I needed to consider, the question was,
“Do I really need this? Can I afford this?”
Any how, I did some amazon browsing and though they were not as expensive as I thought they’d be, I was still operating in cheap mode. 🙂
Fast forward a few months, I had to make quite a few significant changes in the way I was eating. The entire household as a matter of fact. I could no longer continue using regular vegetable or canola oil, so I had to switch to olive, coconut or grapeseed oil for my cooking dishes. The usual suspect oils were now a definite no-no for frying and my newer healthier oils took quite a bit of getting used to. I’d had the air fryer discussion with a friend of mine a while back. She ended up purchasing one before me, so I was super excited to get a first hand, honest review about its capabilities. After that conversation, I was convinced that getting one would be nothing but a benefit. I then bit the bullet added the same brand to my cart, then took the plunge to finally purchase. It was one of the best decisions I’d ever made. I literally do no use a drop of oil when I Air fry. I just season and let the appliance do the rest.
I’m able to prepare all of the pieces at the same time, as the tray is wide enough to cook that portion of my meal at the same time. It came with an amazing cook book with all types of recipes, which I’m now more confident to try after getting comfortable with my new counter top appliance. It looks pretty cool too. 🙂 There are about 5 different colour options, but I wanted to brighten up my kitchen, so the cherry red one was the perfect choice. By the way,..this brand is the GoWise USA.
A few posts ago, I talked about making some changes to my home. Mostly cosmetic, but very impactful visually. Due to financial constraints, I had no choice but to do 98% of the work myself. I had my 15 year old fridge refurbished to look like a vintage coke machine, (professionally done). That kicked off the journey of getting my kitchen and dining area a face lift. I doubted myself many times, but I have to say I’m proud, because it required waayyy more patience than I’d expected. I didn’t know I had it in me. The funny thing is,..when you watch a couple of ‘how to’youtube videos, you pump yourself up, forgetting sometimes, that they cut out the swear words and the mistakes and the w.t.f moments during the process. I’m just glad I stuck it out.Initially, I was going to take more pictures of myself doing the work.. lol However, I ended up stripping down naked or to panties, during most of the process, as some of the times during installation, it was sooo hot and I was sweating soo much, that I could not stand to feel anything on me. Hence only a few pictures. I swear though, I did it my self. 🙂
Initially I wanted to get granite counter tops, (wanted to for a few years), but with other financial constraints that needed to be prioritized, changing my original tiled counter tops that were still in great shape felt irresponsible. So how do I go about meeting my goal? After doing some research, I realized that I could simply cover my counter tops without compromising them with a vinyl wrap. I then looked for the colour granite that I was drawn to the most and the got the wrap in that colour. I saw the original granite I loved in Veg International, … see below..
… then decided on the vinyl wrap closest to that look I could find. The one you now see on my counter.
I used a stiff cardboard to act as backing, so that when I laid down the vinyl, I would not see the groves in between the tiles and have a completely smooth surface. It looked more authentic. Be sure to thoroughly clean surface, as debris or dirt will cause the sticking of the vinyl to be compromised. See Below.
For back splash, I purchased a very pretty 3D peel and stick tile pattern, that played off of the granite colours, then got some under mount cabinet pot lights, to complete the look. I dressed the counter tops up by just cleaning up my appliances, toaster magic bullet canisters etc. , and added a cool cereal dispenser that was visually appealing and gave the kids easy access to getting their dry breakfast cereal.
The wall by my dining area..God help me.
I would not wish this task on my worst enemy,..well, maybe I would. 🙂 I saw this beautiful leaf patterned wall paper which complimented the dining area perfectly. It gave it a beautiful Caribbean vibe. Its just sooo pretty to look at. If you have no patience and don’t like doing work naked, hire a professional to lay your wallpaper. This is not for the meek.
BEFORE
AFTER
In the process of putting up my wall paper, I also learned that my walls are not straight, even though they seem to be. That little tidbit made it so much more interesting than I wanted it to be. Thankfully, I got through it and was pleased with the results.
Sometimes small changes can create the biggest differences. However, as small as they can be, the transition from what’s familiar can be quite difficult. I’ve been forced to rethink everything about how I eat and trust when I say, I resisted wholeheartedly. One can only ignore the cries of their body for so long. Either you take care of it, or it gives out on you. I’m on the path of learning how to love and appreciate food in a different way, and I am thankful to my loved ones for supporting and respecting the journey.
Plate consists of
Chop Up (Spinach Eggplant Mix) ,Lentil Peas, Sweet Potatoes, Broccoli, Butternut & Corn on the Cob.
Sometimes I feel as if I’m being a little cocky when I say stuff like “I live where folks vacation”..lol, but it is sorta kinda true. The one thing I did miss desperately during the most restrictive leg of the quarantine, was going to places like this with a strict time limit. I never knew of such a thing in my life. It’s an amazing feeling to have things almost back to normal and I hope to never take certain freedoms for granted ever again. It was great to just take a break from the monotony of the regular work day. First I made Veggie Roti, then I was able to take a nice drive and end up in a beautiful spot like this. My co-worker & I went to Little Fryes beach to eat. This was what we looked at…
It was this day I realized that my phone camera could take panoramic shots.. 🙂
After just letting this whole moment soak in, it was time to get back to reality and go back to the office,..only to be distracted upon the exit, by the most beautiful wall of flowers. I could not resist. It was especially amazing to see this glorious wall, because we are currently experiencing a bit of a drought in Antigua.
So one day during work errands…one of my best friends / co-workers and I stopped off somewhere for him to get lunch. I say somewhere, because the place doesn’t actually have a name. I didn’t know what he was getting, or where exactly he was going.I just sat patiently in the vehicle and waited. He returned with a small brown paper bag.
“What’d you get?” I asked.
“Roti.”He replied kind of crinkling his face.
Believe it or not..I was not so fond of roti, hence the face crinkle. Now, I’m not trying to have my Caribbean citizenship revoked, but after my first pregnancy..curry and I became frenemies. Any how, when he came back to the vehicle..I was still trying to figure out what I wanted to eat and I was famished. For some odd reason, I asked to him try a piece of it. The first thing I’d noticed, was that the normal strong curry smell that would make me squirm, was not there. He said sure with a surprised face and I braced myself, whilst taking a tenuous bite. I dunno if the person that made the roti put su su on it,…but I was like I like wooow. I actually liked it….a lot. Then he said…It’s vegetarian.. I immediately wanted one OF MY OWN. The only reason I didn’t just take his, was because he’d doused it with Susie’s hot pepper.
Fast forward a week from that day, to this day that I’m blogging about, as this special Veggie Roti concoction made of chunks & chick peas, is only made on Thursdays. I had to wait a whole week for this but it finally came. You should have seen my giddiness. Any how we walked down to the little shack and when we got there, I recognized that this was a popular-ish spot. She had quite a few orders so there was going to be a wait. Did I mention that we were getting 5 of them? Anyhow, as she was so cool with my co-worker, she said to me. Girl..come set up ya roti. I was like..wait what?!. Big Ass Grin…..so I joined her in the booth and Tadaahhh.. I was fixin’ up roti. I had waayyy tooo much fun….
The general sentiment of 2020 remains the same… This year has been more savage than Sentinelese Tribe members.. The middle of the year is currently being bookended by a worldwide pandemic and a mini revolution in the good ole U.S of A, seemingly spreading around the world. Trust and believe, the rest of the year is probably peeking through the blinds rubbing its metaphorical hands together like Birdman.
At this particular junction, between external struggles and being forced to analyze our surroundings internally, both emotionally and in our physical homes…a lot of things have started to not look right, and not in an obscure way, but in a blatantly jarring obvious way, with very little interpretation required. I’ve forever been a homebody, so I’ve spent quite enough time in my house, to know that there have been significant issues that need to be addressed. I however for the most part, choose to ignore them beyond being annoyed from time to time. However, when a wallflower decides to grow into an oak tree, it can no longer be ignored. Change is required now. Waiting for that magic wallet or earthly saviour does us no favours, as we end up doing nothing,..awaiting the perfect circumstance, that will never come. Sometimes you have to take that leap of faith financially, break shit down & f*^k shit up.Apparently the revolution WILL be televised (or social mediarised) and the renovation will be blogged. What’s the saying, you can’t make an omelette if you don’t break any eggs.
The first thing that I’ve tackled is my refrigerator. I bought it when I built my home 15 years ago. I couldn’t afford a big or fancy one, but she is beautiful, sturdy and reliable to this day. She started to rust and crumble a bit, so I gave her a make over. Peep below. The other changes are in the works, with a lot being done by myself.
This blog is being introduced with a ‘Pardon me’ as I feel as if I have to be excused for it’s possible incoherent flow…My thoughts (there are so many), are a little all over the place, but apparently at this present moment in 2020, it’s the only part of me that can be any other place, except for where I am now in its quarantined space. Yes we’re in Quarantine. I can say a collective we’re, because for the first time in history, practically the entire world is enduring this Hollywood film script type of lock down. It’s neither a dream or a joke. This is reality.
I’ve found that for the last few days, I keep looking back at the introductory picture in this post. It’s one of my favourite places on the island, in the world to be honest. I love everything about it there and though I’ve never taken for granted how beautiful it is there and how blessed I am to live where I live, the only thing that ever prevented me from going there often, was laziness and time. The moment that my schedule and desire were in sync, nothing and no one could stop me from going. It never ever dawned on me, that there could come a moment that I would be told NO, you cannot. Adults are supposed to be able to do whatever they feel like, RIGHT?! That’s why we pay bills and taxes and have driver’s licenses and credit cards. We’re grown. We do what we want! RIGHT?!
I am a text book introvert…though marginally shy, I am extremely reticent. (WEIRD FOR SOMEONE WHO BLOGS). I Blog my truth, but only the scratch the surface part. Staying at home for extended periods of time without seeing anyone outside of who I work with, is my usual operational state. It’s borderline pathetic how much my regular life mirrors what my quarantined life looks like.
I am not having or going to have an existential crisis over minimal human contact, or the ability to fete or party like it’s 1999, which right now looks fuckn’ awesome in comparison to the year we’ve had so far. However, extroverts and introverts are now forced allies due to one simple fact. CHOICES. My choices have been dwindled or taken away. A few months ago , I could be doing exactly what I was doing in that picture, the moment I wanted to do it. I’d put on my bikini, jump in my car, drive there, sit my ass on that log and get drunk on fresh air, fruit and sun, for as long as my heart desired. NOW, I look a that picture and reminisce. We’ve all had our choices taken away like children. Being in my house is a blessing, being shackled to my house is not.
Corona Virus / Covid -19 has literally shifted our existence off of it’s axis. It’s all we talk about, whether we want to or not. Corona / Covid is literally the Kardashian of Diseases, just friggin’ everywhere for no rhyme or reason. I just proved my own point, because even in this moment, their viral toxic asses can still be used as metaphor and are comparable in presence to this Goddamn disease.
It could be that just the thought of our choices being taken away, creates the instant dynamic of causing us to want to go out more, but bottom line, in this current climate, we CANNOT do what we want. So now we’re fight Corona Virus & …
…Though I prefer to deal with the latter of infections / infraction. Cabin Fever is a very real thing. I’ve managed to manifest a few of the symptoms on the list below..
Restlessness
Lethargy
Sadness or depression
Trouble concentrating
Lack of patience
Food cravings
Decreased motivation
Social Isolation
Difficulty waking
Frequent napping
Hopelessness
Changes in weight
Inability to cope with stress
Restlessness, CHECK,.
Trouble concentrating,.. CHECK..(Took me 4 damn days to finish this blog post, something I normally do in an hour or two),
Lack of patience, (This being the hierarchy of the symptoms, usually exacerbated by the presence of children of any age) DOUBLE CHECK.
I love my children, with my entire heart and soul, but my God… These kids are driving me fucking crazy. Their evident Cabin Fever, distressing fights with each other, constant nagging, asking me dumb questions, and excessive eating, has driven me to the point where I’ve threatened their lives. They won’t stop eating. I heard myself telling them ..and I quote
“In my house, food is no longer a right but a privilege. DO NOT open my refrigerator, or my cupboard without asking my permission. When in doubt, drink water, and juice is no longer an expected option with food, but a luxury. I will kill you both if you mess with me and I will get away with it, because apparently no matter how you die today, it’s Corona, so NAH TES’ MA RASSHOLE.”
…end quote.
I guess unreasonableness is also a Cabin Fever symptom. 🙂
Food Cravings, (like some specific ass food cravings, as if I’m on some pregnancy wave length).
Like Dan’s Bar & Grill Goat Water..
I’d sit there and eat good food, whilst watching the sun go down in the beautiful horizon…
Frequent Napping (though this one isn’t so bad and I do need rest).
One symptom that was not on the list that I seem to be experiencing is Excessive / Extreme, maybe even irrational thoughts about the climate of our current living conditions.
I’ve always considered myself to be somewhat of a conspiracy theorist. A proud one at that. No I’m not a flat earther or think no one ever landed on the moon or anything like that…(gimme convincing arguments and I’d think about it though..lolol) But I’m one of those Never trust the government people, and I wholeheartedly know the sheer evil that can live in some people with means, money and power, to actively pursue more of it at the expense of the MAJORITY of the population.
First a disclaimer**
We really do have to give people the space to question things, even those things that we’ve been socialized to believe as fact. Time has a way of always revealing the truth and funnily enough, the truth usually proves that what we’ve been conditioned to believe has been manipulation by the media & the powers that be. Where there is smoke, there is fire, or someone with a really big spliff. 🙂
Take for example, We grew up with milk on our food chart and watched commercials with cows telling us ‘Milk it does a body good” my generation will remember those commercials specifically…
…Fast forward to today…
I said all of that, to draw a reference as to how much the narrative can change about something, just with research & time. Lack of knowing certain things didn’t stop the media, & manufacturers, even some doctors from telling us do drink milk everyday, it’s good for you. NOW LOOK….
A small section of the community (naturalists, herbal doctors) always preached about limiting or eliminating the amount of dairy we consume. They were however labelled as extreme or quacks. Why should we give up milk? It’s so rich and tasty, and it’s good for our bones and teeth, as it is a great source of calcium. Hmmmmm, but I digress.
I am more that willing to keep an open mind to the Corona / Covid-19 theories that sometimes pull me down the Instagram / Internet rabbit hole of information surrounding this sickness…Everything from it’s correlation to 5G, to the real government agenda behind the curfew / quarantine, to New World Order type prophecies of biblical proportions, to vaccines.
Do I like the idea of being able to download a movie in 2 seconds?,..HELL YEAH!
Do I want large quantities of radiation frying my cells, breaking down my immune system and making me and my loved ones more susceptible to Covid-19 & other diseases in order to download my bootleg…err ahhh… leagally acquired movie? HELL NO!
Most decisions / donations made on some philanthropic & nearly all political levels are either directly or indirectly related to the quest for money, status and power.
We should never fool ourselves and think that they care about us and that their main priority when making said decisions, is about protecting us and our overall well being . If we happen to benefit from their decisions, then yaaay! They don’t even know us. We are like a mound of ants to these people, running around busy doing ant things. If some of us get stepped on during their upward mobility quests for more power & money,..so be it. It’s collateral damage.
“He that is of the opinion money will do everything may well be suspected of doing every and anything for money.”
While on the topic of money, it seems as if these days, if you have enough of it, you can become an honourary health practitioner, and the Sith Lord of Vaccination pushing. One of the most memorable Sith Lords in The Star Wars Universe, is Palpatine…the most gangsta politician and manipulator of them all. As Supreme Chancellor, Palpatine manipulated the galaxy by continuously staging crisis, that allowed him to extend his terms and eventually gain emergency powers once the wars erupted. Sometimes it feels as if the powers that be, have a bigger agenda in this COVID-19 CRISIS. I’m not quite sure, who the Emperor, Chancellor, Sith Lord or Jedi are on this inter galactic chess board, but I guess we’ll find out eventually…And while they’re playing chess with our lives, we’re over here playing Jenga… And whatever that thing we hold on to call normal, seems be falling apart….
I don’t want to be that person with irrational fears, that person who overthinks everything,..but there are some blinding neon signs flashing.. I keep hearing the word vaccine every third sentence and it bothers me. I have never been an anti -vax person growing up. I was immunized as a child, and most of, if not all of my close peers have been vaccinated as well. My children as well have gotten some of their required shots. The thing that raises my eye brows now, are all of the different pockets of information that discuss serious side effects of it, and the fact that vaccines are now big business. Profit margins for the companies behind vaccines have gone from millions to hundreds of billions. I can almost guarantee that the bottom line for these companies are all that’s truly important, and any sufferers of side effects are simply yet again just collateral damage.
Hearing the words big business, profit margins, and health care in the same sentence is very troubling. I don’t want the spokesperson for my computer devices, telling me about what I am to inject into my body or my children’s body. For fucks sake microsoft sent out an update that I did not want last year, and it crashed my computer twice. Yeah.. I don’t want anyone involved in the technology of my computer, trying to upgrade my body, when they can’t prevent viruses from crashing my computer, which is in their field of expertise. I don’t want my devices and my medicine coming from the same place. That’s like having a vegan butcher, or R.Kelly babysitting your 12 year old daughter. It’s a major conflict and at the very least, you are asking for trouble. This is not Short Circuit. I am not #5. I am really alive!
Even though I am in the West Indies, whatever the solution reached in America and some of these bigger first world countries, it will no doubt be agreed upon and implemented world wide. You know that saying, “When America sneeze, Antigua ketch cold.”
“That’s gonna be a no for me dog.”
I don’t want these things, forced agendas and diabolical schemes. I’ll tell you what I want. I want my doctors back.. Real doctors. Not just medicine hawkers and pill pushers. I want health care workers, nutrition pushers, eat righters, people lovers, medical counselors. I like my western modern medicine with a splash of Sebi. I want both sides to be respected and happily co-exist for the health and survival of us as a people. It’s absolutely surreal to hear doctors saying, if you’re sick stay home, stay away. No one could have told me that this was going to be a thing in 2020.
I understand the fear, but what about us? It’s like, guilty until proven innocent, Covid until proven hart attack or stab wound. By then we’re dead, because we’ve been put out to pasture, with voice mails telling us we are closed during the pandemic until further notice. They may as well they say go fuck yourselves with an Italian hand gesture from Sophia Petrillo of the Golden Girls.
I can hear the conversation right now.
911 Dispatcher:911 How may I assist you?
Victim:I’ve been stabbed…I’m bleeding profusely and losing consciousness..
911 Dispatcher:Do you have a headache, sore throat or fever?
Victim:HUH?!
911 Dispatcher:Do you have a headache, sore throat or fever?!
Victim:I feel dizzy and I can’t breathe properly..
911 Dispatcher:Compress the wound with a large t-shirt to stop the bleeding, call back in 2 weeks….
*LINE CUTS OFF*
When we value technology, material things, money and power, over human lives, and civil liberties we are lost. There is nothing wrong with self preservation, but at what cost?
Sigh…Like I said..I’m rambling..For now, my brain is definitely on overload and I’m just trying to get back to … Here….
It’s 2020, and just the mere sound of the year, evokes visions of flying cars, jet packs and Scottie beaming us up to …well…, somewhere sexy and futuristic, with strobe lights and house music that has a kick ass bass line.
Right now, with the way things are going,….I wish I was at that somewhere place, outside of this crazy Caronaverse. It’s so surreal right now, that I’m wondering if all of the Walking Dead episodes I religiously watched, will somehow become my zombie bible guide, to survive what now seems to be the planet’s descent into utter chaos and the unknown.
How the hell did we go from flying cars, to fighting for toilet paper in the supermarket aisles? How did we go from, “Pardon me sir,..would happen to have any Grey PouPon? To, Mine!, Mine! Mine!, Gimme Dat..It’s Mine! Mine Mine!,.. like a 3 year old having a nuclear meltdown of epic proportions?
I laugh when I see these things, but it’s not a hahaha funny laugh. It’s more of a Oh Shit!…The world is falling apart faster than a spontaneous celebrity wedding, after sobriety sets in . We are “sooo civilized”, yet we’ve come to this tailspin moment, in a matter of just days. How come so quickly? Are we just a bunch of posers pretending that we have it all together, but with the right trigger, we pull the plug, and down the drain civilized behavior goes? I get it though. I can somewhat translate the crazy on duolingo, as I recognize that the paranoia within me is becoming activated. I’m a pretty pragmatic person, organized, with a good amount of common sense, (at least I think so)…yet none of those sensibilities are drowning out the voices of doubt and quelling the notion of fearmonger shopping and beating a fellow patron to a bloody pulp, if they squeeze my goddamn charmin.
It’s at an all time high. Every news item, every political statement, every new statistic and update, feeds the conspiracy theorist in me and to be frankly honest, she is now quite obese. I have to chuckle to myself at the images that flood my mind every time I clear my throat, of Fred Sandford calling out to Elizabeth, telling her that this is the big one,. Dear God.. could it be? Is it you Rona, trying to get me? Every time I sniffle, I look around, expecting to hear, “Gotcha bitch”, you can’t escape me…” in a Dave Chapelle voice. Could it be a situation where we all already have it, but it just needs the right trigger, like the doctor from the C.D.C told Rick.
Have it? It what? A hibernating idiot inside, an uncivilized savage, the virus, the itis, an ism or a skism?,… God knows, we’ve all got something and either boredom from being quarantined, fear from not knowing, or the actual virus is gonna get us. Maybe we need to call the Ghost Busters. (The Original Ones).
I am a relatively calm person, but in this current climate, it feels as though fear and impulse are making all of the decisions. Carona is not the only virus that’s spreading.
What can we expect though? We literally have nothing to compare this too in real life. The quickness of this virus, people under quarantine, there is no,.. “well this is what we did before, let’s try doing what we did back then.”. We’re literally making shit up as we go along, some things making sense, others….. You look at your peers and go “We are all fucked and it’s your fault,” .., because you can’t fix nasty and stupidity during a pandemic. If you’ve been a dirty, unaware bastard your whole life, no amount of hand sanitizer and toilet paper will save you from yourself.
Case in point, watching a woman, completely equipped with face mask and latex gloves shopping next to me, only to see her bust a bag of grapes open, lift her mask, and start picking up the unwashed grapes, with the latex gloves her silly ass has been touching everything with and putting them in her mouth. Prime example of doing the most, but still doing the least, at the same damn time.
However we look back at this moment in history, is obviously yet to be decided. We don’t even know if we’re still at the beginning, in the middle or close to the end of it. The one thing that is certain though, is that there will be a shift in how the world operates from here on. From the way we work, to where we work, to who we continue to interact with personally and socially, as quarantines can bring relationships issues or lack there of to light, to how we view the media and the government. …
BUT….If nothing changes and everything goes back to what is was before, maybe we’re just a bunch of savages, pretending to like Grey PouPon. The irony of this advert is not lost on me. SMH!
I am a woman trying to balance motherhood and womanhood, while pursuing her dreams. Hopefully I get to keep at least foot on the ground during the process.
Bak2moi's Blog 