Men, Marriage, Megatron, and the Madness of Matrimony…. The Royal Pain In My Ass…

 A guy came into my office today, to find out about some paperwork we should be preparing for him.  I know him. Well not know him know him, but he comes into the office fairly regular. He seemed like a cool guy. Normally, we just exchange pleasantries, as his business is mostly with my co-worker, but today I was alone in the office, so he directed his questions to me.

“What’s your phone number? I’ve always wanted to really talk to you, but I’ve never gotten the chance. Is that a real wedding ring?” He says.

“Yes”. Tameka said.

“So it’s not just for show?” He asks.

“No, it’s not.” Tameka replies feeling perplexed.

“Do I have a chance?” He asked.

“A chance at what?” Tameka replied.

“To get to know you. “. He replied.

“I am pretty sure my husband wouldn’t like that.”  Tameka said.

“He doesn’t have to know who you’re talking to. I can be very discreet.”  He says laughing.

“Don’t you have a wife?” Tameka asks.

“In about a month I will.”  He replies

“Where is she?” Tameka

“She’s in Wha-wa-wa-wac. (Charlie Browne Teacher voice)

I cannot put said man on full blast. Needless to say his future wife does not live in Antigua. How convenient. lol

“Any way, I’m gonna go get my breakfast now. Check me back later. Your papers should be ready  this afternoon.”  Tameka ended. ( slight smile inward cringe)

I mean really? Come on now.

This poor woman. I wanna go to her wedding a month from now and hold up a Madea sign that reads

She cannot possibly know that this is what her fiance’ is like and still be willing to marry him. Can she? If she doesn’t, has she decided to turn a blind eye or pull some fabric over her eyes, in order to forge forward with becoming Mrs. Very Discreet?

Do we transform ourselves to suit a situation, even if the situation does not suit us? When we do transform, are we Autobots or Deceptacons? Do we leave our real selves behind to become a part of a relationship? Do we become these hard shelled creatures, full of armour just to deflect our partner’s bullshit, so that we can stick around for the sake of saying we are in a relationship? I know sometimes I feel like……

……. always prepared for the bullshit, yet ready and willing to serve. Sometimes, one has to let her guard down, but when? When do you let it down, when so many Mr. Very Discreets and deceptacons are lurking around? Are any of us immune to the bullshit?

In my heart of hearts, I believe I am married to a good man. Does he love me? I think so. Does he love the family we created together? I believe so. Would he ever cheat on me? I don’t know, but I don’t believe so. lol..  😀

 Why such weak ass answers? Why not defend my man and my marriage with more zeal and gusto? My armour won’t let me.  I have seen too many women and wives swear for their men, their good men, only to be disappointed when either side child born, or side woman tired being side woman and ready to become wifey, so she stopped being Miss. Sidepiece Very Discreet.  It’s a harder shaft to take if you don’t have a little vaseline, so I expect the best, yet prepare for the worst.  (Pass the vaseline please. Getting the shaft from Megatron would really suck, and not in a good way either.)

Marriage is not what I expected it to be. It’s beautiful, it’s complicated, it’s inconsistent, it’s challenging, it’s overwhelming, it’s joyous, it’s security, it’s insecurity, it’s ever changing, it’s never changing, it’s liberating, it’s constricting, ‘it’s too numerous to mention.’ It is what you make it, but it can also be made into what you don’t want it to be, if you’re not careful.

My wedding day was pretty amazing. It was probably one of the few days my guard was ever completely down. I wore a simple dress, I walked barefoot on the beach, I was relaxed and I didn’t have to go into debt to have the perfect day. I was able to avoid that part of the bridezilla madness. Question. When we think of getting married, do we really think of marriage or do we think of the wedding day?

Little girls and boys are socialized into marriage differently. Little girls grow up and get married to become complete. Little boys grow up and get married to have someone to enjoy their completeness with.  😀 After marriage it’s business as usual for the men, but it’s almost as if we women didn’t even exist prior to a man wifing us up.

Case in point. I went to the transport board this week to deal with some change of ownership paperwork. I was just about done with everything, when the final part of the application was rejected, because I was not Tameka Jarvis anymore. WTF?!

My insurance did not include my husband’s last name on it, so I had to go find my marriage certificate, take it to the insurance company and  have them add George, (I REFUSED TO GET RID OF MY MAIDEN NAME. I WAS ME TOO LONG TO GET RID OF IT), so I am Jarvis-George, not just George.  I updated this bit of information 2 days ago, and I have been married for over 5 years.  But I was me 28 years before that, so why did my 28 years of Jarvis not trump George? Is that why the marriage certificate and the birth certificate look so much alike. Was I not a true complete person until 5 years ago?

Now today, the most famous birthday in 30 years happened when Catherine Middleton became the newly created Duchess of Cambridge when she and William were pronounced husband and wife. 

(Side note: I thought she was going to be Princess Catherine? Apparently if she is to be called Princess she will be Princess William of  Wales. another WTF. Now she gotta give up her first name to be called princess. lol)

William  will also become the Earl of Strathearn and Baron Carrickfergus, which means Kate will become the Countess of Strathearn and Baroness Carrickfergus. I will just refer to then as “Their Royal Highnesses of Clusterf^ck”, cause I can’t remember all that shit.

From the bit that I saw while getting ready to live my life as a commoner, :-D, the ceremony was lovely and her dress was nice. Nice is the best I can do in regards to the dress. Now she is gonna have some transforming to do . I am actually hearing Chris Brown (my secret lover in my mind) 😀 singing “Hey, lil mama, I can transform ya…” while I look at all of the pictures of them on the internet.

I hope she got some thick metal plates in her transformer armour, cause it doesn’t take folks too long before they start trying to tear you apart after they put you high up on a pedestal, in this case the throne.

It’s been a heck of a week.

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About bak2moi

I am a woman trying to balance motherhood and womanhood, while pursuing her dreams. Hopefully I get to keep at least foot on the ground during the process.
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8 Responses to Men, Marriage, Megatron, and the Madness of Matrimony…. The Royal Pain In My Ass…

  1. ritabroni says:

    Sometimes us women do see the signs of the dogs we have in our lives…… yet turns a blind eye hoping he will change one day to the man we would love for him to be….Honestly who are we fooling?!?!?! A dog can never change into a cat. The soon we stop fooling ourselves and accept the dogs for what they are the quicker we can move on in life and find our real soul mates . I know we women are afraid of letting go, because we are not sure what else is out there for us….. but that a chance we have to take in oder to find real happiness… Right now I will rather be call a hoe …by kissing all the frogs out there just to get to my prince. No one should ever settle in this life.

  2. ritabroni says:

    Sometimes us women do see the signs of the dogs we have in our lives…… yet turns a blind eye hoping he will change one day to the man we would love for him to be….Honestly who are we fooling?!?!?! A dog can never change into a cat. The sooner we stop fooling ourselves and accept the dogs for what they are the quicker we can move on in life and find our real soul mates . I know we women are afraid of letting go, because we are not sure what else is out there for us….. but that a chance we have to take in oder to find real happiness… Right now I will rather be call a hoe …by kissing all the frogs out there just to get to my prince. No one should ever settle in this life.I deserve more in life , so I will not settle for a fool now or the next fool after!!!!

    • Tameka says:

      Always be open to love, but see with eyes and ya heart. Never ignore your instincts…. and never try to fix a man…lol on a side note, no need to kiss all the frogs, you can sniff em… if they smell funny jus’ throw em back in the pond…lol

  3. ritabroni says:

    LOL @ sniff them and throwing them back in the pond!!!!

  4. Joanne says:

    Your encounter with the guy reminded me of two of my own, from way back, both co-workers – one married, one soon to be married both running that tired line – “she don’t have to know.” Yeah, but I’ll know. Not to say I haven’t been tempted, but not by them. LOL.

  5. Josette Gilead says:

    Lmao……That blog brought me back
    I enjoyed it tremendously for many reasons, one of which IT IS THE BLATANT TRUTH….clear cut.
    I am so fed up with the IZIM-SKIZIM of the world today…at times i feel that i cannot and will not put my trust in nothing but the LORD. He is the only person (spiritual being) that has never disappointed me…….
    What else i ask myself…what is there left for us to experience and go through…..life, sometimes is too REAL for me and it hurts like hell….
    Hanging in and hanging on is the name of the game……hoping for the best……sigh****

  6. stephanie says:

    hey my wifey, actually I can’t comment on the wife thing but it all makes for an interesting read… One correction my dear wife catherine is now Dutchess of Cambridge until they give her a new title : ).. Will inbox you

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