My decision to launch my own clothing line has been ‘in the thinking’ for about 5 years and the idea to take part in Jamaica’s Caribbean Fashion Week, ‘in the thinking’ for about 3 years and ‘the making’ for the past year. It definitely was something that I was petrified of doing, but labour and child birth scared the living shits out of me too, but it didn’t stop me from getting pregnant. 🙂 Twice. 🙂 I use that comparison, because in a way, there is labour, struggle and usually lots of pain involved, to bring forth or give birth to the child of an idea. The comparison can also be made when discussing the finances behind it all, because the thought of squeezing something the size of a watermelon, out of something the size of a lime, seems not only impossible, but ludicrous. It’s the way I felt trying to deal with all of the financial aspects, of trying to make this dream come true. I felt as if I was trying to squeeze a dollar out of fifteen cents …Well actually, it was more like 5 cents.
The thing was, I really wanted to do this. Regardless of circumstances, when one wants to do something, even if conditions aren’t permissive, we find a way to make it work. I did however, want the yearning to go through with this process of going to fashion week, to go away, because it would just be one other thing in my life, that I’d end up obsessing about and consumed by. Strangely enough, the feeling wasn’t fleeting and it only grew stronger. I had, and have soo much passion for it, that I can say for sure, that the desire is comparable to the need I have for writing. They all come from this creative source deep down within and I just kind of am at the age, where I recognize time only gets shorter, and windows of opportunities close in, so why not try what your heart tells you, if your desire is deep, and you’re not hurting anyone. Regret is a sickness that I don’t want to catch.
Thinking about this, put me in a mind space, where I was trying to analyze the exact moment that this ‘thing’ for sketching/drawing my outfits, came about. Initially I thought it was when I designed my wedding dress almost 8 years ago….
……..But upon further self reflection, I think it may have started with..
Gem & The Holograms.
I know I’m showing my age a little bit, 😀 ,….but I tried to make my clothes look like theirs and got into quite a bit of trouble for ‘destroying my clothes’ as my mother said, trying to achieve the Gem & The Holograms look. lol 😀
Fast forward *cough ehem cough* years,… sketch pad still in hand, always trying to get some outfit done within my budget,…and before I knew it I had over 40 pieces drawn. Then a light bulb went on, just like in the cartoons. I then ended up with…
After the whole application process to CFW 2013, there was the serious business of getting the money to get the pieces made, getting the money for my plane ticket, travel expenses and accommodations. After too many disappointments, and ‘lemme give you the money for a whiff of ya pu**y’….
I just said fu*k it and got a loan!
SMH.. Details not worth mentioning.I swear the theme song in my head at that point was…
I got that shit done and I went to Jamaica without serving up my lady parts on a platter.
Those fears were behind me at that point, but then the self doubt started creeping in. I used to lay on the bed of my hotel room and listen to ‘Ordinary People’ by John Legend, on my i-pod and cry hopelessly, questioning my stupidity for having the audacity to attempt showing a damn thing, at a major Fashion Show like Jamaica CFW. I had to get myself together though, because I had fittings with the models, plus I had to show the actual clothes and not sketches or pictures to the organizers at Pulse Modelling Agency, and I had to display some kind of confidence, instead of the weak-kneed blubbering fool I was slowly becoming. I psyched myself into faux confidence, picked up my suitcase and smiled the biggest smile I could, for my first meeting at the Pulse Offices.
You know what, I survived. Not only did I survive, I was relieved, because they liked my pieces and the models that fitted, liked my pieces too. The next day I did the official fitting and line up for the runway show, at the hotel across the street from where I stayed (talk about convenient) 😀 Seeing the girls in the clothes was a really emotional experience for me. The stylists that were there to help, were such a great relief,and extremely supportive. They helped me pick the best girls for my line.
With that part being over, I could say I felt a tremendous weight lifted. I still didn’t stop listening to ‘Ordinary People’ though. 😀
Three of my pieces were just bottoms, so I had to go downtown, to get three of my models plain fitted white tank tops. I was told Britt Bran at Half Way Tree Mall would have what I was looking for, so I got all brave and decided to go downtown myself. You should’ve seen me walking about as if I knew where the hell I was going. lol 😀 Britt Bran didn’t have the type I wanted, so I was really disappointed, but I figured it was just an excuse to walk about some more and explore in the process of finding what was the right fit. I came up on a store that had some really gorgeous clutch bags and I needed one, as I was supposed to attend the CFW 2013 launch party that evening. The perfect bag for me was…
and I got it for $2000.00 (JMD) that is. 😀
I asked the lady in that store where I would be able to get some tank tops and she suggested a place to me, that was supposedly not too far away. Fortunately, I found the store and they had an incredible variety. I picked out the stuff I needed, then proceeded to walk about and take some pictures, before I hailed a cab, back to my hotel.
That evening after the fitting, I had to go and pick up my ‘Designer’ pass and tickets back at the Pulse offices, but with the productive day I’d had, I felt at ease enough to be present in my surroundings and the moment, and take a few pictures. There was to be no rest though, because the launch party was in a few hours. I didn’t go all the way to Jamaica, to do what I always do by saying ‘I’m tired’ and not go. I was gonna drag my ass in there on the floor if I had to.
I was ready to get ready. 😀