The Pick-Up Artist….

I think by the time most little boys turn 12 years old, they start developing the early stages of their Mack Game. Maybe it’s something programmed into them internally, or maybe there are secret male rituals that females don’t know about, be it between father son, uncle nephew, older male friend younger male friend, where men pass on what they deem to be ‘essential female knowledge’,  to their younger counterparts. In my mind, I envision it looking like an Animal House fraternity ritual, where candles are everywhere and the elders wear hoods that cover their faces, the new inductees are lined up in their underwear and all given a sacred handbook called, “How To Pick Up Girls.” It certainly seems like they all read from the same damn handbook sometimes to me at least. 😀

Now, have there ever been successful pick up lines? Of course. But what is success defined as? Is it success in just breaking the ice and getting her to acknowledge your presence? Getting the girl to have a lengthy conversation with you? Developing a friendship? Getting her to have sex with you? Maybe a full on relationship? Success is relative. I suppose one would be considered more successful if their goal seems more unattainable, then achieved. If your goal is the ice-breaker, then I see lots of successes. If it was to bed the young lady as quickly as possible, then I envision lots of bruised egos and massive amounts of failures. That however, is not etched in stone, as the level of success with the young lady, is directly proportionate to her self esteem, or how inebriated she is.  🙂

My first real hard hitting pick up line was when I was about 14 years old. I will NEVER forget it. Up until this day, the guy and I still laugh about it. I was at school after hours, waiting for a classmate to finish some kind of practice for our annual ‘Queen of the Forms pageant’. Some guys from one of the all boys school were there, rehearsing some kind of dance #, so everyone was all giddy. We used to get to ‘friken’ over each other, because they were surrounded by testosterone all day, and we were surrounded by estrogen. It was nice to interact with the opposite sex, especially when you’ve only been surrounded by your own kind. I was beginning to get tired, and as I was not participating,  I put my head down on a desk and started to dose off. The next thing I knew, I felt a tap on my shoulder. I didn’t even lift up my head, because when I opened my eyes, an open palm was hovering between my lap and my face. A card was resting in it. The card was then dropped on my lap and the palm disappeared. The card read,

“Hello, I think you’re very cute. Please take no offence, but I would really like to go to bed with you. Should you not want to go to bed with me, please just shake your head accordingly and return the card, as I am running low on cards. Should you however want to go to bed with me, you may keep the card.” 

I don’t think I had ever laughed as hard as I did, before that moment. I was absolutely stunned in my little 14 year old brain. As I am typing now, I am trying to remember if I had truly understood the scope of what ‘going to bed with someone’ even meant. Regardless, that dude made me laugh. I looked up to see who the bold person was. There he stood, a tall bony guy with a big ass grin on his face. He was cute. 😀 I returned the card with a smile. I asked him how often he gave those cards out, and to my relief he said only a few times. I think he was lying though. 😀 I asked him if he made the card himself, and to my horror, he did not. He actually bought them. Some guy, somewhere, thought that a card like that was a good idea. lolol. He was about 16 or 17 at the time I think. Anyhow, he made me laugh soo much, we started to talk and after seeing him at practice a few more times, I gave him my phone #. We couldn’t talk very much on the phone though, because my mother was like Kim Jong il.

😀   She was not trying to have me on the phone talking to no thirsty little boy, as she liked to say. Any how, one day, said individual thinking he was all in love, decides to put me on the phone to his mother, you know, really let me see that he liked me, because he introduced me to his momz. She started asking me all kinds of questions about my family and stuff and after what I call her investigation,  lol it turned out that him and I are second cousins. lol He was devastated. Talk about dodging a genetically misguided bullet. Thank goodness I was a good girl, and my mom had stock in iron panty. 

I started thinking about the moment I’d met the person, who is now one of my favourite family members and pick-up lines, because on a couple different occasions last week, while in town running errands for the office, I was hit with a couple of doozies. I have to admit though, they made me laugh my ass off. I have no problem at all with guys and their methods as long as it’s not crude and all in good fun. Crude and aggressive is never a winning formulae. No matter how cute you are.

If guys just ditched the rapey disposition, and just inject a little humor and wit, They would make a lot of women happy, and maybe even get some in the process. 😀

If women are honest with themselves, they would say straight up, pick up lines are ego boosters. If we feel cute one day lol and walk down the street and NO GUY, whistles, hisses, calls out hey cutie, or says some sort of kind word in regards to appreciating our appearance, ‘arwe feel lacka marga darg’ so we should not front. 😀

The pick-up artists who stood out last week, that are borderline classics in my world…

When walking back from Sunseakers, a man stumbles in front of me and starts staggering. He then starts backing up, as if he was trying to regain his balance, then he starts grabbing his chest. I started laughing at this point, because I realized what was happening. He then staggers to my right and leans up on the wall still holding his chest and says,

“Oh my God you’re so beautiful, you’re making my heart skip too many beats.”

Even the people around started laughing. I think I smiled all the way back to the office. Corny? Yes. Interesting? Yes. Sweet? Yes. Funny? Yes. Not crude or disgusting in anyway, and I’d be lying if I said he didn’t make me feel nice and give the old ego a nudge up the ladder.

About 2 days after that, when walking into the yard for the place where I usually get breakfast and lunch, a guy calls out to me from his car and says this is for you baby. He turns up his stereo, which I might add was booming and he plays..

So here I am walking in to a soundtrack and everybody turns around when he turns up the stereo, because it was that loud. That dude made me smile as well. I don’t know if he quickly searched for that song when he saw me, or if it was dumb luck, but that little moment was just pure niceness. Little, simple, silly, things can do that sometimes.


About bak2moi

I am a woman trying to balance motherhood and womanhood, while pursuing her dreams. Hopefully I get to keep at least foot on the ground during the process.
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2 Responses to The Pick-Up Artist….

  1. Joanne says:

    How about the pick ups that are back handed disses? Like this: I’ve always liked you; I’m not into looks.

    My friend tried to spin it like he’s saying he likes you on the inside (except if he doesn’t know you how does he know what’s inside? Riddle me that?) and how is I’m not into looks but I’m into you mean anything but you na look 🙂

    But more to the point, this was funny as hell. Your cousin is a classic.

  2. bak2moi says:

    My favourite back handed compliment of all time is “You know you cute even though you dark”…lol..

    Guys will say anything that they think will work, matter how anal…”I’m not into looks” lolol ..psshhhh ..whatever…big long dutty cheups… 😀 my cousin was and is tursty…lol but I love him and he makes me laugh.

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