Never ask God for patience, unless you’re willing to go through struggle. Odds are, if you are asking for patience, you are probably already going through a tough time of sorts, but the only way to make something stronger or better, is to test it at its current capacity, figure out where the cracks and faults are, (if there are any), fix them and then test it again to see what else needs fixing. Same with patience. The only way to become a more patient person, is to be tested with trials. The bigger the trial, the more patient or wise you’ll become, upon completing the trial cycle. That, or you’ll kill someone and subsequently have to go into hiding, trying to escape the authorities, whilst humming “I shot the Sheriff”, huddling in a dark mosquito swarmed corner. 🙂
I’ve been feeling like a shell of a person for the past few weeks, starting from about the middle of August. I felt overwhelmed by work, responsibilities and family obligations.
I asked God for patience, and KABLAMOO!
Between my health, thinking I could be one of those crazy ladies on A&E who don’t know that they’re pregnant until they’re ready to give birth, possible surgery, panic attacks, a major part on the jeep acting up, costing a fortune to have it replaced, finding tuition for two kids, paying for books for two kids, paying for numerous doctor visits, neglecting to pay the utilities in order to pay some of the other bills, nearly shitting my pants mid conniption after last electricity bill was received, cursing A.P.U.A for being swindling corporate salary- jackers and the list goes on and on. I felt as if I was going insane, and I was so discouraged.
Some days, things can just feel so hopeless. I felt as if my parade was constantly being rained on. The funny thing about being in that state of mind, is that no one but you can get you out of it. It helps if you have supportive friends and family in the grand scheme, but for the most part, you will never shake those feelings until you are good and ready.
I am now just trying to go with the flow of things. Worrying about all of those things doesn’t make anything better, and it makes you sick in the process. I feel very tested, but am trying to be grateful for the journey. I put the pity cake down and I stopped drinking the sad kool-aid.
I’ve been wallowing there far too long. I was even more determined to change my disposition, after Kevin came back home from visiting a friend that he had not seen in a long time, a couple of days ago . He looked really sad, so I asked him what was wrong. He then proceeded to tell me, that his friend had been living without electricity for the past 3 years and that they had been struggling immensely. I tried to imagine being in their position and I do not know how I would cope in that situation. I went from cursing A.P.U.A, to being very grateful to be in a position where I could curse about my bill, yet STILL pay it, regardless of my circumstance. Some are not as fortunate…
Electricity Bill $1000 +
Tuition & Books $3000+
Jeep Part $ 1200
Paying all of these bills off and still having money in my wallet whilst broke, and my kids thinking I’m the bestest Mommy in the world,