I went to get breakfast at my usual spot in the mornings yesterday, and stumbled into one of the most interesting conversations with a fellow patron. The gentleman asked me if I was looking forward to carnival and I told him that I don’t normally participate in too many carnival festivities. I also told him that I may take my kids in town to watch the parade, but it was not a definite. My mind immediately flashed back to two years prior when I did take them and my then six year old daughter, got more than an eyeful of colourful costumes. My son was too young to see anything beyond glittery, sparkly shit, so my main concern in regards to him, was keeping him on his father’s shoulders, away from wild flying elbows. Every five minutes or so, I either tried to distract my daughter to look the other direction, or outright covered her eyes. Eventually I got frustrated and was like
“look, lets just go. Me cyarn tek dis shit ya.”
Anyone who knows me or has read more than 2 posts on this blog, will no I am no prude or uptight in any way, so this observation does not come from some ultra right-wing bible thumping place, or from sitting on a high horse. I am all for having some good old fashion fun, shaking off your frustration, even some wilin’ out, you know stomp on the devil’s head,..but it sure is a sight to see when you start dancing with him.
My first question is
Does one have to become completely inebriated to have fun?
I don’t drink, but I do not frown on those who do. I have my personal reasons for shunning alcohol. Like I’ve said before, I got issues dammit. 😀 I can see having a couple of drink to loosen up and just free up yourself, but this leads to my second question,
Are you sure you should be getting loosened up or drunk around some of the people you are hanging around with?
These two questions led me back to the conversation that I was having while getting my breakfast. There is a helluva danger these days, with technology and the internet being the way that it is, to have the course of your life altered because of a simple drunk f*^k-up and a camera phone. I am talking to this guy and SMH, because what he is saying was astounding.
We were talking about all the craziness that happens and it lead to how wild and lewd some women get, especially the ‘stoosh ones’ according to him.
WARNING: ALL STOOSH WOMEN BEWARE. MEN WAIT FOR CARNIVAL TIME TO GET YOU DRUNK AND F*^K YOU UP!!!
Apparently, there was a girl he thought was really good-looking, but no matter how he said hi to her, she would always turn up her face at him and give him attitude. Last years carnival, he saw her completely out of control and humping the ground like a damn fool. Same girl who couldn’t mash ants and was too good to say howdy. He lingered around and watched her for a bit, then after he got his eye full, he realized he was completely over liking her. lol He left the scene for a bit. Upon returning to his car, said girl was kinda passed out leaning on a wall somewhere and you know what this guy did? He pulled his dick out and pissed on her a little. LMFAO!!! WWOOOOOOOOOWWWW!
Now I am laughing, not because I think its funny, but its one of my defence mechanisms. What was I gonna do when he said that? Cry? I was absolutely stunned. Now every time he sees that girl, he turns his nose up at her, he definitely does not say hello and he laughs at her, but she does not know why, because she was too effin’ drunk to realize she was being pissed on.
I have to wonder though. Was it just the alcohol that had her humping the ground like she was possessed, or did someone give her a little bit of extra confidence in her drink that she was unaware of ? Now I am a very paranoid and untrusting person by nature. I give most people the side-eye until I see reason to look at them head on, straight in the eyes. Sometimes we have to be careful of the people we call friends, because some of them are just waiting for the right moment to screw us up, take a picture of it and put it on Facebook.
How’s that for a profile picture. 😀
When you are out drinking, DO NOT ALLOW ANYONE TO BRING ANY KIND OF DRINK FOR YOU FROM A DISTANCE, IF IT DOES NOT HAVE A SEAL THAT NEEDS TO BE BROKEN. DON’T TRUST THAT EASILY. We all get kind of complacent when we are hanging out with friends and friends of our friends that we don’t really know. Everybody is partying together, drinking, chatting and laughing and then everybody gets comfortable. Too comfortable. Here is another preview into my sick mind. This is how I think sometimes.
Group of friends and acquaintances hanging out.
Greg: Hey Sheila, what up?
Sheila (already a lil tipsy): Hey, Greg right?
Sheila: I’m good. How are you?
Greg: I’m good. You enjoying yaself? Di vybez real nice.
Sheila: Yeah. The band soun’ real sweet.
Greg: You wanna dance?
Greg moves behind Sheila and he proceeds to grind on her giving himself a lil hard in the process. He whispers in her ear while brushing his lips on her neck.
Greg: You real sexy you know dat right? How come we never have a real conversation before?
Sheila smiles. She is flattered, but his hard is beginning to poke her in her ass. He’s cute, but he’s not that cute. She’s known Greg for a few years, but they never had more than trivial little conversations. He seemed really cool with her friend Angela, which is why they were all hanging out that night. She starts to get uncomfortable, but when that song is finished, she plays it off and moves away from him. Greg realizes the brush off, but he’s not quite ready to give up.
Greg: Would you like another drink?
Sheila: ( hesitates for a while then says). Sure, why not.
Greg: What you having?
Sheila. Rum and coke
Greg: Be right back.
Walks off humming R.Kelly big tune
“You must be used to me spending, all that sweet wining and dining, but I’m f*^kin’ you tonight,…”
Greg meets up with Mikey at the bar.
Mikey: Me see you a dance wit Sheila. She sexy no f*^k.
Greg: Indeed. She lickle uptight, but me go fix dat right now.
He receives her drink from the bartender, then says to Mikey
Greg: Gimme the subben.
Mikey: Wha you wan’t, Feel up or Home Plate?
Greg: Home Plate Baby.
Mikey and Greg do a quick fist pound and hand shake, smoothly passing the female desensitizer between them. He leaves the bar with his conscience still in a coma.
Greg: Here ya go. Cheers to the freakin’ weekend.
He toasted his water to her concoction, grinning like a fat guy staring at a piece of chocolate cake. After a few sips of her drink, Greg started to look like that sexy black guy Eggs from True Blood.
Greg noticed her smiling a little bit harder and standing a little bit closer, so he led her closer to the dancing area again and began grinding on her hard. Beverly notices Sheila and that she seemed to be having much more fun than usually did, when she’d seen her out on occasion.
Beverly: Yo Angela, wha a go on wid ya friend? You see how Greg hab she out day. Lickle more dem go need one condom.
They both laugh that standardized evil girl laugh.
Angela: ‘Bout time she loosen up lickle bit. She always go on so friggin’ heighty tighty.
Beverly: You sure she cool? You know Greg kinda shady sometimes.
Angela: Yeah she safe man. She’s a big girl, she can take care of herself.
Neither of them noticed when Greg leads poor Sheila back to his car. She was completely out of it and about to get f*^ked. Poor Sheila.
Something like this can go both ways. Women can be just as cold as men when it suits them, so men shouldn’t put it past a woman, to not try and get them inebriated as well. Maybe she thinks he’s gorgeous, and happens upon him in his vulnerable alcoholic stupor, realizes that he thinks she’s Janet Jackson at the moment, when normally he thinks she looks like Tito Jackson. She gets him into a compromising situation, he’s too out of it to realize the difference and of course his penis was not in any condition to discriminate. He has sex with her, all while having visions of taking Miss. Jackson If Ya Nasty to the boundaries of ecstasy. She makes sure to take a picture of his head on her chest while stroking his cheek. That becomes her new profile picture and her status has gone from single to in a relationship.
Anything that can loosen up ones grip on control, should be used cautiously. I can’t ever stopped being surprised when I see people, especially the ones who act as if they breathe better air 11 and 1/2 months of the year, become completely different people, simulate sex, and expose their crotch and let random people, ( who they wouldn’t normally even waste a breath to say hello to) grind on them and advantage dem like Machel Montano, then want to go back to proper etiquette and decor after the festivities done. Newsflash if you
a. Dress cross you panty and drop and take a piss in public where you stand, there is no going back. Every time I see you all I am gonna think is, I’ve seen your crotch bitch. You are not even allowed to spell stoosh, much less act it.
b. If you allow a man to jump on top of you and simulate sex while you lay flat on you back with your legs open, there is no going back
c If you projectile vomit in my direction like the exorcist girl, there is no going back.
d. If a man smacks the shit outta you because you are his woman and are acting a fool, leaves you standing and you are too drunk to realize what happened, so you just re-join your mass troupe and continue dancing, there is no going back.
The most important thing to remember, is that there are lots of people out there who don’t mean anything but bad. Some of them are just waiting to get you in a position to disorganize your program. Do not give anybody easy access to mess you up. Keep your wits about you. You do not want after Carnival you discover that you are pregnant and don’t know how or by who, or you have an itching that cannot be scratched away, or worse you get a flu that just won’t go away, only to find out you were given AIDS, or some woman claims you got her pregnant and all you are thinking is, there is no way I woullda f*^k that ugly bitch..
Ahhhh but you did. You just can’t remember….
If you cover your privates, I will uncover my eyes. Please be safe.